Amok Mama: Why you hate kids

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Doesn't make sense

Everyone was a child at one time. Regardless of what era you grew up in, you were a child and you were loud. Your parents wanted you quiet then just like parents want their children quiet now. I am a father, I reside in America. Right now I stay at home with my 3 children while their mother is at work. I am not worthless, just as any parent, I am only doing the best I can to raise my children then best I know how. Besides this article, I am completely ignorant about how children are raised there, or the community around them. Here, it seems the same way, it's shameful for a child to be unruly in public. However, this is no reflection on the parent. My children, for the most part, are decent, well mannered normal children. Normal. Normal children are loud, they throw tantrums, they scream and yell and kick and fight. That doesn't mean I am a bad father, that doesn't mean they are bad children. It means they are normal. They're doing exactly what they're supposed to do. Adults need to be more understanding of children. They're going to be loud, annoying, rude, disrespectful, and most of all, inconsiderate. They are children. Until they're what, 8 or 9, that's the way all children are. "Well my child never does that." That's a load of bull. Love your child for who they are, embrace, teach, inform and support your child. Show them what an adult is supposed to be, try being a decent adult. Have compassion and respect for those parents who are doing the best they can. Don't force children to grow up before they're supposed to.

mirchaz 204 days ago


Woooooooooooow. No, I hate kids because they're annoying. I also hate adults because they're annoying. Jesus fucking christ you are the most goddamn retarded woman I've ever encountered, and I used to run an anti-feminist blog on tumblr.

Bewildered more than 1 year ago

Like I said Annoying Parents

Its not that I blame the children, it's just awful to see parents who don't even attempt to attend to their children and let them scream like savages, while the parents look on and tune their children out. If they appear to respond to their kid, I'm more tolerant.

LoulouI more than 2 years ago


If they appear to respond to their kid, I'm more tolerant.

I find your choice of language interesting and also totally revealing, that kids' presence in society is to be tolerated and not accepted. I really think you should analyse this more & not all this boring parent-bashing, it is, above all else, fucking boring. People are crap parents, we're not gonna sterilize them, they're going to continue to be slightly crap, EVEN IF parents are as crap as everyone say they are people tutting and huffing and puffing and sighing with contempt as they get on the train is not helpful behaviour.

BUT I think your choice of language is really interesting. Tolerated. Rather than accepted, or even just ignored. You see children's place in U-Bahns or at parks, by the lake, in swimming pools, IN PUBLIC basically as optional. This is because you have deep-rooted desire for a world where mothers and children stayed at home and men participated in society. Kinderfeindlichkeit is basically people being slightly pissed off that getting pregnant isn't quite as much of a prison sentence as it was a few years ago, even though actually public disapproval of women & children who dare to venture outside of their flats is in some ways more violent and more vicious than it was when we were young. It's funny how much less you get tutted at when you have a man by your side.

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

Annoying Parents

If you're too poor and single don't have kids. If you have kids for whatever reason teach them how to behave in public so they don't grow up to be loud obnoxious men or shrill women. I'm sick of parents thinking they have a right to inflict they're choices on others by not training their kids to have courtesy and manners towards those around them. I think most people who have kids don't qualify to have a pet never mind a child. Look how many street people there are the people who had them clearly had no business raising children. In this overpopulated world, why don't people focus on the environment and taking care of the people around them. I know this last comment isn't about loud kids, but it just bugs me that people breed and breed while there's no place for children to be loud and play since there is less and less nature. Stop having kids and mind the ones you have for crissake!'

Loulou more than 2 years ago

qualifying for having pets

So what's your suggestion? If these unqualified ofr having pets people are having kids, what shall we do? We're not going to start sterilizing our poor - America might but Europe won't. So I think the parent/non-parent war has to end, because it's completely pointless and doesn't make these non-qualified ot have pets ppl better parents

Jacinta more than 2 years ago

Annoying Parents

Actually it's harder to adopt a pet than have a child. I'm not saying to treat mothers/fathers badly, I'm just saying having children shouldn't be some indulgent birthright, I find people don't even take care or those around them and keep thoughtlessly and indulgently breeding. I don't think just poor people should abstain from reproducing, I think all classes of people should raise their children with attentiveness and be considerate by addressing their children when they act up. Not abusively or anything but they need to teach their children how to behave in society. I don't think poor people should be sterilized..but birth control and sacrificing not having children unless and until they are prepared should be the norm. Also I think artificial means such as fertility drugs, and serogate pregnancies shouldn't be. If you can't naturally breed then accept it and take care of the unwanted children already out there.

Loulou more than 2 years ago

harder to adopt a pet

first of all it isn't, you can go buy a goldfish from the pet shop but whatever. It HAS to be easy to have kids because we don't want to sterilize the poor/disabled/whoever and if you don't sterilize people they get pregnant when they fuck & don't use contraception, this is basic fact of life. IF WE ARE NOT PREPARED TO STERILIZE THE POOR we have to accept that there will be hugely unqualified parents in our society, a huge proportion of people who have kids will be people (like myself) who were too disorganized to use contraception properly. Society has to either sterilize stupid people or accept stupid parents and we need to create a society where we get the most out of the children of stupid parents, I actually think welfare, schools, school breakfasts etc but huge start would be not huffing and puffing when poor people with their kids get on the U-Bahn instead of driving to school in their jeeps like rich people with their kids do (where you can't see them)

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

Read this Loulou

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

If you're too poor and single don't have kids

But what do we do with people who are too poor and single and have kids? What do we do with the kids who are here? We're not going to take all poor single mothers' kids off of them, so what does this open hatred and disapproval achieve? It achieves absolutely nothing, it just makes poor women and their children feel unhappier in public.

Jacinta more than 2 years ago

The problem with complaining about children

The problem with adults that complain about children is that they seem to have forgotten that they were children once themselves. You don't get adults without children. Every one of those people was once a loud, undeveloped person who needed a parent to take care of them. Hating on children is selfish and kind of stupid. These people treat having kids as a lifestyle choice, which they are not. Deciding to have children is not the same as getting a dog or choosing to bike to work instead of driving. Who is going to keep society going when we are too old to work? Kids are future adults, the future of our world.

sara more than 2 years ago

That's their job

Kids are meant to be loud - that's their job.When I was your teacher I wasn't that keen on kids, but most of them are quite likeable and then grow up to become shits - but you are right, it's a power thing. The sight of a child is enough to bring out the worst in some people - my neighbour(devout Christian!) thinks they should not be allowed on buses and trains in buggies as they take up space, but - they are no good on pavements either(same reason). Hopefully, being the victim of the power mad will be wiped from the memory in later life. You have to try to shut them out - it's not worth the effort of feeling anything, even contempt takes up energy. Mind you it's a different matter on a plane! I like all the others, though!

Amok's old teacher more than 2 years ago

Jacinta makes one good point in this piece.

Kids are a lot like Neo-Nazis and football hooligans. Can we ban them?

Klaus more than 2 years ago

But we've not banned Neo-Nazis have we?

It's not illegal to be a Neo-Nazi.

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

about cowards

Jacinta has a point about cowardliness. I don´t see these people, picking on the loud men out there!
The fact that mothers feel like they have to take up less space in public does have to do with patriarchy. And making the contempt towards parents cool, is a form of further legitimizing this attitude. As for women who hate kids, I think that as bothered as they may be by the noise, solidarity with mothers should prevail. Patriarchy is so internalized that we can´t even recognize its symptoms anymore.

xandra popescu more than 2 years ago

I don't think...

Berlin is any more kinderfeindlich than any other big city in the world. Try San Francisco for a minute. Berlin is quite welcoming in the end. And I think the real source of Kinderfeindlichkeit isn't love of power, but for young people the terrifying reminder that these "kids" are going to be them one day... meaning they're not going to be young anymore. It's more narcissism and avoidance of responsibility than wanting to ship single mothers an island to fend for themselves.

Walter Crasshole more than 2 years ago


is so kinderfeindlich Walter. You get tutted at and huffed at ALL THE TIME. These orgasmic sighs of disapproval for getting on the U-Bahn. It's worse than anywhere-else I've ever been. When your kid's about five, there's no difference betw. the disapproval you get at the opera and the disapproval you get at a supermarket or the doctor's. You have to suck up hate.

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago


Not quite on subject, but I have to get it off my chest in this context: Love of power is also why in Germany people pay more attention to Regie and Dirigent than to writer and composer. It is quite insane and THE single mnost destructtive factor affecting German culture.

Tomas Fitzpatrick more than 2 years ago

I like Tomas' response

because its purposelessness underlines Jacinta's accidental point: to a box pregnant with hammers, everything looks like something that's about to nail it.

Mr. Metaphor more than 2 years ago

also not sure if it's about the patriarchy

Let's face it, compared to a lot of major European cities, Berlin has very low birth rates and very few children, which makes the few that are around stick out even more. I come from a place where people interact with small children in public - wave at babies and toddlers in strollers, tell parents that their children are beautiful or well behaved (if they are), and exchange knowing, empathetic looks with mothers when their children have the occasional tantrum (hey shit happens). In Berlin, though, people just scowl at children in general. I see an even mix of mothers and father in the train, in the park and on the street with their children, and frankly I feel that old women in this city are more kinderfeindlich than any business men. The problem is not that men want full power over public spaces, but that Berliners in general are not used to interacting with kids and this weird alienation makes them freak out.

neuköllnerin more than 2 years ago

not sure if it's about patriarchal power

Lots of women hate kids too. Lots of young people. Because they are selfish and narcissistic and cool and still children themselves. Kids remind these alternative idiots of their own Spiessigkeit lurking under the surface of their consciousness.

Maurice T Frank more than 2 years ago

lots of women hating kids

they are subconsiously supporting the patriarchy/expressing Sehnsucht for a world where women have even less power than they do now/hurting the weakest and poorest people in society. If they got what they wanted, it would be women and kids staying at home, and men allowed out at night. This isn't a conscious thought but deep-down everyone knows that men choose to spend time with their kids, women have to. If kids are banned from lakes and parks and zoos and restaurants, it will be the mums and single mums imprisoned at home, and the dads will stop doing their optional, freiwillige Kindererziehung. This is ALSO why a lot of kinderfeindliche texts criticize fathers for "Muschi" like or softie behaviour, because they are just really angry that men are (occasionally) helping the mothers of their children out

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

Kinderfeindlichkeit is a feminist issue

Thank you for this article, Jacinta. Eloquent rage, bang on target!

Juliet Conlin more than 2 years ago


You're wrong to link complaining about kids to the patriarchy. Totally wrong, in fact. Patriachs love kids! People complain about me when I am with my kid as well. And besides, the alternative-feminist-queer-kreuzberg crowd are at least as kinderfeindlich as anyone else - if not more, because kids represent spiessig-ness and heteronomative bullshit to them. Have they internalised the freaking patriarchy, as well?

Maurice T Frank more than 2 years ago


has internalized the patriarchy Maurice. it's like fucking osmosis

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

I really think it's Frauenfeindlichkeit when you get down on it

Fathers get comments because people don't want to see men out, interacting with their kids. They don't get as many comments as women do, though. Women get actual hatred. I really think it is just the acceptable face of misogyny. You're not allowed to admit you hate women anymore, but you can admit you hate all kids. That's why all the anti-Dad comments focus on how anti-authoritarian and Muschi-like they're being.

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

yeah right.

the patriarchy's (an evil force lurking within and controlling every one of us) deepest desire is to create Saudi-style theocracy in Germany. Jacinta, usually I'm with you, but this theory is just absolute rubbish.

Maurice T Frank more than 2 years ago

kids are no naughtier than they used to be

and there are a lot less of them around at the moment. And people talk about them like they're evil. I'm not saying patriarchy is like this conscious Al-Qaeda type plan of destruction. I'm saying who is most punished by this constant low-level (to fairly high-level) aggression? Women and children. Who will be most punished by having families officially recognized as second-class citizens, like you know, kids banned from Biergartens or cafes or whatever? Women & children. And I'm also saying that how annoying we find kids is nothing to do with how annoying they are.....ALTHOUGh huh. Supposing kids really are as annoying as people say they are, huh? Suppose that's right. Suppose they're unbearably annoying. We can't not have children in this world, like, that's not an option, the only thing to do is be sympathetic to these poor parents who have to put up with these unbearably annoying kids all day long. So EVEN IF kids are as annoying as everyone says they are, Kinderfeindlichkeit is just about isolating/picking on/attacking the weakest in society and feeling vitriolic/smug about it

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago


should move to p'berg..much kid-friendlier up here.: )

Maurice T Frank more than 2 years ago

naughtiness levels

I even get in trouble in Prenzlauer Berg. In a fucking Indian! That's how you know your kid's naughty, when you get in trouble in fucking Prenzlauer Berg in an Indian restaurant! The waiters were on my side though, they were all calming me down, they were like: these people are cold, have a Mango lassi, they're cold people, don't listen to a word these people ever say.... I got thrown out of a pizza restaurant in Friedrichshain once, too, was really drunk and I thought I hadn't seen the kids in ages? Then the waiter comes up to me and goes: "You've had a nice time, and now it's time to go home." Rico told me on the walk home that they'd been trying to help them cook. Suspect this anecdote is not gonna convince you of my patriarchy theory somehow

Jacinta Nandi more than 2 years ago

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