by

January 30, 2012

Do you like this?

"I made €100 at a Lesebühne the other night," I said to a German mate of mine recently

"Yeah? That's great."

"I'm gonna save the money up – secretly. I only need €300."

"For what?"

"For Botox."

"For Botox?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna get my forehead done."

"Why?"

"I don't know. So I'll look better, I guess. So that more people will want to sleep with me – I guess."

"You're insane. And stupid. And vain. And shallow."

GAWD! German men are fucking hypocrites. All this crap about girls not wearing any make-up, not wearing nice tights, not having plastic tits, not getting their faces botoxed. Natural beauty – puke, puke, puke. I wouldn't mind if they weren't so fucking proud of themselves. You hypocritical cunts! Of course you don't need to fuck Joan Rivers if you're fucking beautiful 19-year-olds. It doesn't give you the right to call Joan Rivers shallow, though.

"Oi," I said. "All those girls you fuck? They're all 20 years younger than you. Fuck someone 20 years older than you. Then I won't get Botox."

He winced a bit at that. "I can't do that," he said. "Everyone 20 years older than me is over 60. I really can't do that. But I did have sex with a 40-year-old the other day. It was great. She didn't look a day over 37."

Another hypocritical German friend joined in the conversation then. German Hypocrite Number One said to German Hypocrite Number Two: "Guess what? Jacinta's going to get her forehead injected with all these chemicals so she'll look better and more people will want to sleep with her."

German Hypocrite Number Two looked at me, vaguely surprised.

"Are you?" he asked. "In your forehead? I don't think you need it yet. Wait a couple of years. You could just use some cream, you know – Oil of Olay or something."

Fuck. I hate these German hypocrites, sometimes. At least British boys, who are still sexist pigs, fair enough, but at least they are honest enough to say they just want to fuck 19-year-old blonde sluts with big tits and flawless complexions. They don't try to make out like they're not horny, superficial bastards. They're just like: “Please give me a 19-year-old blonde slut with big tits and a flawless complexion and I'll fuck her. Thanks.”

"I'm going to get Botox," I said, defiantly. "I'm going to get Botox and after that I'll get my tits done, too."

By this point there was a huge crowd of German Hypocrites surrounding me, it was like I was drowning in an ocean of German Hypocrisy.

"No!" they all screamed. "You shouldn't do that! You can't do that!  You mustn't do that! That's insane! And stupid! And vain! And shallow!"

The only one who stood up for me was German Hypocrite Number Two.

"I think it's okay, if you do that," he said.

"You do?"

"Yeah. As long as you can't notice that they're fake. I think it's fine. As long as they look natural."

Fuck you, you German hypocrites. As long as you can't notice that they're fake? Fuck you. All this "natural beauty" crap. It's total bullshit. It's unbearably mendacious. It's utterly verlogen. It's 150 percent disingenuous. All this is about is evolution. That's all. You want to fuck young girls with big tits because subconsciously you think they'll be more likely to give you a healthy baby. That's why you find Botox and breast implants "shallow" and "vain," it's because you think it's cheating – you think the woman you might accidentally fuck is cheating evolution. But since we're all just having safe sex nowadays (well, most of the time), we're all cheating evolution anyways. So fuck all this natural beauty shit. Grow up. That's seriously shallow.

by

January 30, 2012

Comments (11)

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She's great

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNUkLzi46OI

Jacinta more than 2 years ago

funny joan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WevTQKeTKoc&feature=related

baerliner schnauze more than 2 years ago

@Baerliner

What's the difference between concealer/foundation and Botox, though? Botox is more dangerous, but "morally" there's no difference. Botox, concealer, foundation, boob jobs, they're all problematic in that they're all basically about stripping women of their humanity, dehumanizing them, and essentially just the Western version of a full body veil. The moral judgement is fucking bollocks, though, big bollocks. I really resent being morally judged by people who could put "fucking young girls" in the Hobbies section of their CV.

Plus, this idea that you should make yourself beautiful, but "naturally" so, so the guy you're fucking doesn't have to think of the oppression involved, can pretend to himself that men and women are equal, can lie to himself, basically. Fuck that. Pass me my eyeliner. Be a man about it.

Jacinta more than 2 years ago

hypocrite german girl

I don't use make-up. except from concealer and I too, think you don't need that shit. you look 24 or something not 42...
though, you are an Essex girl and therefore might not have a choice

baerliner schnauze more than 2 years ago

Yeah Huh...

f you think that's what should happen, do it. Just not to the British. Please, not the British.

Now there's a whole platform out there (the internet) for you to do it with, get to it! :-)

Walter Crasshole more than 2 years ago

W.C.

I hear what you want to say, but anyway I still want to have that kind of an outburst on EXBERLINER (from a German perspective) on American's (male and female) - or any other expat's - hypocrisy. Yeah!

Huh? more than 2 years ago

W.C.

I hear what you say, but anyway I still want to have that kind of an outburst on EXBERLINER (from a German perspective) on American's (male and female) - or any others expats - hypocrisy. Yeah!

Huh? more than 2 years ago

Hey Huh...

She's British, not American. She says it all the time, too.

Walter Crasshole more than 2 years ago

hm

I would love to read an unexpected rant - with all the swearing please - like that from a German perspective on American's (male and female) hypocrisy. Anyway, why don't you stop being surrounded by those (West-)German hypocrites instead?

Huh? more than 2 years ago

Stupidity

Telling a man that you - secretly -save money to get your forehead botoxed is stupid. Why don`t you just do instead of talking about it? I think you are a hypocritr, too.

Gariba more than 2 years ago

Botox and emotional expressions

I'd object purely from a medical perspective. We wouldn't want to miss a Jacinta-branded-rant on the off-chance that the forehead says "fluffy bunnies" while the eyes say "I kill", right?

C.f. URL to original article: http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/emo/10/3/433/

and the slightly more comprehensive version: http://www.gizmag.com/can-botox-stunt-your-emotional-expression/14031/

Mike more than 2 years ago

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