January 27, 2012

Do you like this?

Konrad has a confession to make. He, like everyone at EXB's blog department, gets unnaturally aroused by East German stuff.

You won't need it pointing out that we at the Exberliner Blog have a bit of an East Germany fetish. A commenter on my colleague Jake Sweetman's blog on Wednesday called it an "obsession", but that doesn't really cover it. I'm afraid it's actually a fetish. On Friday afternoons, I, Jake, Amok, and Seymour like to dress up in Pioneer uniforms and spank each other with any old Ostprodukte we can get our hands on. After we've all climaxed, we like to cool down over a round of Vita Colas. It's really quite something.

And it's no good imploring us, as that commenter did, to stop Easty-obsessing and get a "real job". We're Ausländers. There are no real jobs for us Ausländers in Berlin. It's not like we're going to "integrate" – it's too hard and anyway we're too sexually jaded. All we can really do is rap about the Berlin Wall, do foolish sketches about the Berlin Wall, or just have the occasional verbal wanks over statues of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. Why do you think we moved here in the first place?

That's the problem with countries whose history prominently features not one, but two authoritarian dictatorships in their history. They just attract perverts. But then again, one of the reasons why the GDR is so horny is that GDR people clearly had amazing sex. All the time. If you've ever seen Die Legende von Paul und Paula, you'll know that the citizens of East Germany basically spent much of their time shagging inside industrial containers and having very detailed fantasies set in dachas. 

Ah, you'll be saying, but that wasn't real. You have made the elementary error of taking a fictional representation of a place and allowing it to dictate all your prejudices. Maybe you have a point, but then how do you explain the revelations published this week about Erich Honecker's sex life? According to the West German secret service, he was a filthy bastard. So it's well-documented fact. It's a wonder he ever got round to anything.

Erich Honecker? Erich Hornecker more like.


January 27, 2012

Comments (3)

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thank you.

good lord.... i'm not the only american stocking up on nudossi and florena and secretly hoping that a much older east-german man will someday "show" me how to use these ostprodukte in a freaky, inappropriate way?? and that after we've both had our fun, he'll tell me all about his childhood and then weep in my arms about the sad passage of time, about his former home-country, now just a page in a history book?? and did i mention he speaks german with a sächsisch accent? because he does. and we obviously bone in his trabi while overlooking the elbe river, at least once. thank you, Konrad Werner, thank you. now i know i'm not alone.
american in dresden.

Ami in Dresden more than 2 years ago

Eric Hornecker

the horny bastard

Jacinta more than 2 years ago


I'm getting a nice cocktail and sitting back to wait for some more comments. Should be entertaining.

Stephen more than 2 years ago

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