Berlin's summer is so lovely, but so short. Take a look at our magazine and you'll see dozens of tips for sublime activities: there are lakes to jump in, new neighbourhoods to explore, concerts to attend... and this will only last for four or five more weeks, so hurry!
But summer in the city is also full of melancholy. Even a single day on the couch watching illegally streamed TV series now includes the pain of a thousand missed adventures. It's hard to even go home at night: Will I ever have another chance to sit outisde and drink beer?
So rather than torture you with even more entertainments you won't be able to fit into your schedule anyway, I'd like to present the six worst ways to spend your summer in Berlin. The secret is: Most Berliners aren't having a lot of fun either.
1. Work in an office
Yes, you could be hanging out at the lake. But no, you're stuck in front of your computer until 5pm. And after that you'll be too tired to do anything but lie down on the coutch.
2. Study at a university library
Didn't pass those exams in July? Then you'll have to repeat them at the end of the summer holiday – and that means you'll be stuck under the fluorescent lights of a university library every day until then.
3. Work at Amazon (or really anywhere in commerce)
You could be stuck working at an Amazon fulfillment centre, walking 20km or more every day, just so some chump can get his USB stick delivered the next day. What's that? You wouldn't want to do that? Well, if you're unemployed, the Jobcenter can force you.
4. Work at a festival
My favourite summer memory by far is eating vegan tacos at a certain communist music festival. But then I learned the poor dude making them was standing over a grill for 20 hours a day, trying to collect money from people between mildly and unbelievably high. And some other dude has to clean out the toilets. Festivals can be paradise – as long as you don't have to work there.
5. Wait for the rain to stop
Of course Berlin is full of wondrous landscapes. But you can't go to any of them because a cold rain has started. Wait a while under a tree. Maybe you'll have another 30 minutes before it starts again.
6. Set a home for refugees on fire
This has become Germany's big trend this summer. Racists have been setting refugee homes on fire – this happens practically every day somewhere in this country. It is hard to imagine how people could be so insecure of themselves that they would feel threatened by a few people from other countries living in the general area. But that's stupid nationalists for you.
See, doesn't your Berlin summer already seem better by comparison?