Q Since the day we met, she has been my only sex partner, but now she says she only wants a “friendship” with me. Still, I do not want to start a relationship with another girl, just in case she decides to choose me as her boyfriend (she has never made any promises, but she is worth the wait).
So I thought, instead of trying to find a girl and get to know her, which would probably take months, I should try to go into a (nice, not cheap) brothel. I said I could only have sex with girls I love, but I guess this is a way to find out. Do you think a brothel is safe? Curious Karl
A Paying for sex is indeed a way to get the physical pleasure you seek without any emotional/mental attachment, but there are some risks (if the condom breaks, you are fucked, literally), so make sure you avoid kissing or going down on your paid partner. Best not to skimp on the condoms; make sure you buy the best brand. And try to avoid going there drunk, as you could become sloppy and carefree in the moment, and that could lead to a rash or worse.
If your ongoing sex partner never made any promises and says she only wants a friendship, you could save yourself a lot of money by simply meeting women the old fashioned way and letting fate guide you to a more emotionally and physically available woman (it is RAINING eligible ladies in Berlin). Life is short, and those who wait, masturbate (or pay for it). Like that old CSN&Y song goes: “Love the one you’re with.”
Q I am 24 and married to a 39-year-old man. He can’t get hard anymore. Plain and simple. We had a quick courtship (he showered me with lavish gifts and my family urged me to take the vow with him), but I feel I may start to stray if he doesn’t rise to the occasion more often. It was not important at the start, but now I am consumed by this. Help me, please. Goldie Cocks
A Erectile dysfunction is a sign that there may be a bigger problem in his body, i.e. heart disease, clogged blood vessels, etc. Try to be patient with him (make him go get a physical, straight away) and help him change his diet, exercise more, quit smoking, and so on.
If all else fails, he can always try Viagra (not a big fan of it, but if he is not overweight and is free of heart problems, his doc may give him the green light to use it on occasion). In the end, it is rare that you find a perfect person.
If they are wealthy, they may have a little (or droopy) cock. If they are kind and generous and have a huge willy, they may not be able to pay your bills. Everyone has their shortcomings; you just have to take it as a life lesson, to look inside yourself and see what is REALLY important to you and then decide. If your husband treats you like a queen (kind, loving, honest, loyal, fun, generous) and his only shortcoming is his flaccid penis, consider yourself lucky and work with what you have.
Q My bird has been having a go at me lately, telling me I don’t tell her I love her enough anymore like I used to. Funny thing is, I love her more now than at the start, but this constant nagging is doing my head in. The more she asks me to verbalise my feelings, the less I want to tell her. I shag her silly at least five nights a week and even clean the flat. Why the fuck does she want more? No wonder there are so many benders here in Berlin: women are too much work. Help me stay hetero, doc. Nagged-to-Death Nate
A Men usually lay on the romance rather thick when they first woo a woman. Compliments, foot rubs, nice dinners, etc. When things start to get serious and the L-word comes out, it may be used too often. A woman can get used to that, as it will make her feel happy, safe and warm inside (that is, if she loves you too). But once you slowly start to revoke the L-word, she may get confused and feel insecure: “Doesn’t he love me anymore? He doesn’t say it anymore, so he must have fallen out of love with me”, etc.
So somehow it is the man’s fault for coming on so strong in the beginning; getting their woman accustomed to a certain level of romance and then slacking off because THEY feel comfortable.
This is unwise. Best to keep the dose of love on the same level. Not too much at the start or it will become exhausting. Explain to her that you are showing her your love, that the action, not words, is what you are using to express your love for her. I think if you really do love her and know that those three words make her happy, stop moaning about it and just tell her. Leave her love notes and so on (that is, if you want to continue having sex five times a week, innit?).
Q I am back on the dating scene after a14-year failed relationship. Recently I had a fling with a Polish woman that started out exciting, but after three months of dating, she said, “By the way, I have a secret: I have a 14-year-old son in Poland and I have not seen him in seven years”. This really aggravated me, not because she has a son but because she hid this from me and in the same breath she told me she does not have the “correct paper work” to travel to see him.
So I tried to politely bow out of this affair, because it seemed she was hinting around to me marrying her to get said papers, and since then she has been stalking me like mad (calling and carpet bombing me with text messages).
It’s difficult for me to be rude to her, as I feel sorry for her – but not enough to carry on with her. I’d be grateful for your opinion as soon as possible. Stalked Stefan
A Simply write a text message like this “Oi! This is Stefan’s new girlfriend. Stop fucking contacting him or I will come over there and scratch your eyes out!”. This will sound very realistic to her, because you seem to be so polite and easygoing and this sort of thing does happen all of the time. Problem solved.