Q Won't you please, please help me?
I NEED to get my husband re-interested in sex. I am 37 and he is 38, and we've known each other for nine years, married for eight. He's given different reasons over the years.
At first it was different schedules, then it was the medicine he took, and the last has been low testosterone from taking another medicine, which is true, and we don't know how long it has been low.
But now his doctor has prescribed him testosterone shots, and levels are back up where they should be. For a while, when he started them, his drive was high, but unfortunately we have been separated on and off for a little over two years now, and when we were together he wanted it all the time in spurts but not consistently.
While we were separated, he started watching a lot of porn and joined a lot of sex dating sites and regular dating sites but claims he didn't set them up. I know he chatted on some, and he says that's all he's done – because he needed someone to talk to.
When we were separated, his Facebook status was “divorced” and he was perusing other girls and said horrible things about me and that he wanted “nothing to do with me again”. After he moved back in this last time, instead of changing his “divorce” status, he deactivated his account when someone asked him on his wall why it said he was divorced.
This is very hurtful and I don't understand it, but I don't know how to change it or approach it. Now I feel like he would rather watch porn and take care of himself than have sex. He says it's stress and that he's always hurting. I just don't know what to do. I was hoping you could give me some feedback and advice on how to re-spark the sex life. Eager Beaver
A Not even sure why you would want this wishy-washy boring fuck in your life. The woman chasing the man, once again. You will never know how a man really feels if you're doing all the work here. You have to coax him into sex? Fuck that. You have to coax him into a “marriage” status? Fuck that too.
He is clearly calling all the shots here and prefers wanking off to porn and flirting on Facebook to shagging his wife. If you sincerely want to stay with this pain in the ass, stop TALKING about his sex drive, porn and above all, Facebook (relationship killer) and slip into something uncomfortable (heels, slutty lingerie or just some whipped cream) and offer him a good old fashioned 30 minute blow job.
Give it your best shot, and if he is still full of excuses, move on. You're still in the prime of your life and could easily meet someone who is less complicated and more willing. It's never too late to start over.
Q Four years have passed since the girl of my dreams left me and broke (destroyed!) my heart. It was gut-wrenching and difficult to get over. I started dating another woman five months ago and surprisingly, I am in love once again.
The sex isn't record-breaking but it is steady and sufficient. My ex has been emailing me again out of the blue and offering raunchy, no-strings-attached fuck fests. Why do these things always happen when you're taken?
When I was single, no one really cared. Now that I am attached, even my abusive (but oh so good in the bedroom) ex is clawing at me. Should I taste her forbidden apple or play it safe with the new girl?Tempted-by-the-fruit Adam
A People seem to be able to smell contentment and happiness and are lured to it like a moth to a flame. You can teach the new girl to satisfy you in bed but you cannot teach your ex to respect and love you. Those are things that should come naturally, not be forced.
It is probably easier for your ex to find a new cock to play with than it would be for you to find a new woman to love, so she has it easy, whereas you have a lot to lose and just one or two hot, crazy romps in bed to gain.
I would tell your ex that you are flattered, but you've already cried her out of your system and you want to avoid opening the old wound again. Ignore her blatantly obvious ploy to get you back under her spell and enjoy your newfound, well-deserved love.
Q I've been living with the same guy for six and a half years. I'm 11 years older than him, and it's never been an issue, until now (possibly). After years of togetherness, I finally asked him if he thought we would ever get married.
He told me, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure, one day. But I'm not ready to right now.” I asked him why, and he said that he "just didn't feel that we were ready". Now, granted, we've had our little spats, but never anything too harsh.
I was shocked to hear him say these things considering that we've always been a loyal, loving and faithful couple. I'm starting to wonder if it's the age difference that is the REAL problem and if he just doesn't wanna man up. What’s up with this? Any ideas? Cougar Carly
A I do not think age has anything at all to do with this. The old-fashioned expression, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” comes to mind. I really do not believe a couple needs to marry in order to remain happy together forever, BUT if that is your goal in order to feel secure, it will probably never happen with this man, as he is surely very comfortable the way things are now.
The fact that YOU are the one bringing it up does not sound good at all. In my opinion, it should be the man bringing such things up, not the woman. He has to REALLY want to be married in order for it to work. If you are really set in your ways and need marriage to be happy, sit him down and tell him you think it's time to live apart as you need time to be alone and to think things over.
He will either move out gladly and never look back or realize he cannot live without you and make a move. So, either accept things the way they are now or make a bold move. You only live one time, and you need to go for what you want out of this life.