Q I am at my wits’ end now with my wife. She is 34 and I am 36, and I want a child. I am a hardworking Welsh lawyer living here in Berlin, and I bust my balls to give her a comfortable life. She barely works and sits around watching TV. When I bring up having a child, she says she does not feel that I earn enough and is worried we won’t be able to afford a kid. We have been married four years now, and it seems like I will never get the family I yearn for. I love her to bits, but I need to procreate.
Do you think I should give her an ultimatum, leave her or just accept the fact and stop moaning? Before we wed, she was all about having children and starting a family; now it seems she has pulled the old bait and switch on me. I am gutted. Dyin’ to be Daddy
A Berlin is a very inexpensive place to have and raise a child. There are ALL sorts of handouts from the Government regardless of how much or how little you earn (Erziehungsgeld , Kindergeld and if you are skint: Sozialhilfe on top of all that as well).
Sorry, but if she is afraid of giving birth to a lawyer’s child, she must be high maintenance and spoilt. Tell her the scoop about all of the extras you get for reproducing in Berlin and if she is still too stubborn to breed and it means THAT much to you, you might have to tell her it is a deal breaker and move on to a more willing, motherly type who is ready to start a family.
You have plenty of time, but your wife’s eggs will start to stale in a few years. Take a stand, as this is a serious issue here and you deserve to be a daddy if you want to. Keep in mind – if she is lazy now, things may not improve if she does have your baby, so start saving for a nanny/cleaning lady while you’re at it.
Q If a female friend likes you, but you have established the not-going-to-happen clause and her sister also likes you, can you fuck the sister since she hasn’t had sex in six months? Or do I risk completely ruining the dynamic of friendship we all have? I suspect the sister could be ‘in love’ with me. Should I just go with my instinct and try to find a buddy who would be good for her?
It’s not that I don’t want her; I am just no interested in any sort of long-term relationship with her. The last couple times I saw her, she begged me for sex, but I told her she needs to move out of her place, as she lives with her ex-man still. But I have rethought it and it would be kind of nice to have someone else on the side. Advice, please. Backdoor Man
A Since you were clear to both ladies about how you feel, why not fuck the sister? BUT if you do fall in love with her, keep in mind, she is capable of living with one man whilst fucking another. She could always do the same thing to you, so watch your back.
Q Do you think people can really change? I ask this, Dr. Dot, because I married a man three months ago (we are very happy and compatible), but he told me he used to be gay. He told me this a few weeks before our wedding, sheepishly, afraid I would change my mind. But we had already made so many arrangements, flying relatives here, invitations, etc., and he seemed so sincere and told me his “past was just that; the past”.
But now, the dust has settled, I lie awake at night after he has fallen asleep and crazy scenarios dash through my mind (him sucking a penis, him fucking a man’s ass and vice versa), and I just panic that I have made a mistake, that I may not be enough for him, that he may relapse and turn back into a poof.
The main reason I accepted his promise and continued with him was because I have also been with the same sex. When I was a young girl, I had my wicked ways with a few girlfriends, but today I am strictly dickly, so I thought, maybe he changed and will remain positively preferring pussy. Penny for your thoughts, doc. Definitely Dickly
A A few hot nights with your girlfriends does NOT make you a lesbian. However, if your husband came right out and said he was “gay” in his past, he probably meant it was full-on, not just a few encounters.
The fact that he waited so long to tell you (and the fact that you clearly have NO gay-dar) strikes me as odd. How could you possibly NOT notice any sort of gay inclinations? His walk? Talk? His knowledge of flowers/interior design/cosmetics/Cher didn’t raise an eyebrow? People can change, yes. Elton John married a German woman in 1984 and we ALL know how that turned out.
I know a few men who were straight and turned gay, but in the end, I feel all of these people, your hubby included, are, or at least were, bisexual. If someone is truly just “gay”, they do not stray. I know many gay men and just the thought of vagina makes them want to hurl. If your man loves you and makes you happy, just leave it at that.
He must have needed a lot of courage to tell you about his past, so it is best to just drop it and move on. I have never met anyone with a squeaky clean past who hasn’t at least one skeleton in their closet, so just enjoy your man and ask him to teach you a thing or two he has learned. You never know, it could enhance your sex life in ways you can’t even imagine.