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Maggie Spooner: Breakfast at KaDeWe?

December 20's spectacular heist at KaDeWe has Maggie, much like the police, wondering who the culprits really are. And what they wanted that morning.

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Yes, Breakfast. Was this what the five masked men were hoping for when they stormed the KaDeWe’s ground floor luxury boutiques – including Tiffany & Co – last Saturday just after 10am? If so, they should have taken the elevators up to the sixth floor, where the good food is, and joined the queues along with the rest of us. You lose the surprise element, of course, but the oysters are worth the wait.

In the meantime, the really surprising thing to come out of the whole incident is surely the fact that Berliner Morgenpost cited Matthias from Wedding as a shopper determined to continue his Christmas duties in the face of adversity. “I heard about the incident,” said Matthias, “but I wasn’t bothered. I’ve still got a lots to do.” So a) good news for Wedding. Clearly, its denizens are made of stern stuff.  And b) Good news for KaDeWe (after all). It’s officially cool enough to attract shoppers from beyond the pale of Charlottenburg. It would be even cooler to quote shoppers from Neukölln, say, or Lichtenberg – but you can’t have everything.

The police are still searching for clues. Over 40 people have been questioned. Some of their statements are contradictory. So WHODUNNIT?  Who really, really, really needs money?

I’m thinking Seth Rogen and James Franco. I know that’s only two people but maybe they brought some mates from Sony along. With The Interview now due to play only in independent cinemas and online venues, they must be costing the studio bosses a bob or two. Tiffany’s at KaDeWe must have seemed awfully tempting.

I give it two weeks (max) before they come clean and sell their story to a rival studio. Break-in at Tiffany’s (you’ll see).