Easter in Berlin, when a city of unemployed Atheists gets to enjoy a few extra days off. But what to do? Even the contrarians can’t take up sacrilege: that’s too much like a typical day’s work here.
Perhaps work on your DJ skills? With all of the DJs on state holiday, now’s your chance to chew your way to the center of the canvas bag, as JAHCOOZI – who, with Grime’s decline into British bubblegum, appear positively ol’ skool – are sponsoring a remix contest with the winner getting the possibility of getting a record released on Ellen Allien’s Bpitch, as well as a goody bag.
I love that use of the term “possibility”: “You bit your track from Tinchy and now his agent’s stepbrother is coming after you with a knife? Sorry, we’ll have to decline.” Great artists don’t steal; they get high while their well-paid collaborators do all the work. Anyway, take it from a long-time journalist and general freeloader: Life is about the goody bag.
That’s not always true – one can’t dismiss a free meal, as well, and, this Monday at 11am, ubiquitous UK Fabuloids SAMEHEADS are putting on a FRIED Easter Special at Loophole, complete with DJs such as, would you believe, EMIL DOESN’T DRIVE, and a free English Breakfast. Take the typical skinny English hipster expat, feed him 20 years of English Breakfasts, and what do you end up with? Bill Buford explains.
Such belligerence is a mainstay of the U.K. entertainment scene, which is why the decrepit assortment of stomach issues and skin diseases that make up the first couple of waves of punk rockers will be able to tour the continent until their children get power of attorney. Look at who’s showing up for this year’s Punk and Disorderly Festival: STIFF LITTLE FINGERS, COCKNEY REJECTS, ANGELIC UPSTARTS, BUZZCOCKS, and at least half-a-dozen ambulances.
Perhaps that’s too pessimistic: most of the members of these bands are dead anyway. Just like the politics, idealism and generous welfare state that originally fuelled them. Except in Canada, where artists such as violinist-turned-androgynous-tinkerer OWEN PALLET receive oodles of state funding, on the condition that they remain as inoffensive as possible.
But with Pallett looking like a Sims projection of a middle-aged Justin Bieber, it looks like the investment and his science background will soon pay valuable dividends for us all. For that which we can create, we can then set out to destroy.