A city that’s famously difficult to shock, penises are everywhere in Berlin, and we don’t just mean in the dark corners of nightclubs. From a naughty wood carving on a bench to the meter-long appendage of a former “Bild” editor-in-chief on the side of a building, for no apparent reason we’ve compiled a list of the weird and wonderful penises you can admire across the city. Don’t be shy!
Raunchy Bench at U-Bhf Dahlem Dorf
In an admittedly quite niche survey, the people of Japan named the Dahlem Dorf subway station the most beautiful subway station in Europe. Perhaps their reasoning was down to the embellishment on the seat by artist Wolf van Roy, which features folkloristic wooden figures with extravagant headgear and enhanced genitals.
Fancy taking your lunch break nestled between some wooden breasts and penises? Well, now you know where to go.
- U-Bhf Dahlem Dorf
Penis Wall Frieze
Also known as ‘the cock of Berlin’, this wall relief was erected (we’re here all week) by sculptor Peter Lenk in 2009. It depicts the appropriately-named former editor-in-chief of Bild, Kai Diekmann, with a penis that stretches all the way up the building. This is a reference to a 2002 article and subsequent lawsuit regarding Diekmann and an (alleged) unsuccessful medical enhancement operation.
The artwork was installed on the former building of the newspaper taz, not far from the Springer headquarters, and the words “Friede sei mit Dir” are written across the top, which is a double entendre meaning either “Peace be with you” or “Friede be with you”, the latter being a reference to Friede Springer, Bild’s publisher.
Unsurprisingly, neither the muse nor the former inhabitants of the building were particularly thrilled by the tribute, but despite the onslaught of criticism, Diekmann and his penis are still going strong on the Kreuzberg landmark.
- Peace be with you (wall frieze), Charlottenstr. 85, Kreuzberg.
The famous Titan Arum at the Botanical Garden
One of the most popular attractions in the botanical gardens is the Titan Arum. This species is recognisable by its tall, undeniably phallic-shaped flower that often reaches more than three metres in height, making it the world’s largest unbranched inflorescence. This might not immediately sound like the sexiest of accolades, but wait until you come down and see it for yourself.
- Botanical Garden, Queen-Luise-Str. 6-8, Lichterfelde.
Large and small phallus in Gatow
This spot is steeped in British history: a former RAF airbase, it’s where the Raisin bombers landed during the war, where the Queen flew into on her visits to Berlin, and, per the famous British obsession with innuendo, it is home to two radar towers nicknamed “the large and the small phallus”. Rumour has it that the two former towers contained an illegal bar and pornographic photography studio, which were discovered after the British withdrew in 1994.
- Military History Museum of the Bundeswehr – Berlin-Gatow Airfield, Gatow Airfield 33, Spandau.
Penis relics in Berlin’s museums
Berlin has almost as many museums as it does penises. Next time you’re visiting one of the city’s revered cultural institutions, why not take the time to note the number of phalluses you spot? From obscene vases and clay jugs to depictions of Greek demigods with unearthly proportions. Whether you’re at the Neues Museum or the Schwules Museum, come and discover Berlin’s trove of hidden treasure.
Penises, pillows and fun at Gorgeous
The Gorgeous Sex Shop successfully juxtaposes kitsch, humour and sex. The ornamented wall and red shelves are crammed full of erotic items and decorations, from funny gifts such as breast-shaped pillows to erotic literature and vibrators for all genders. Basically, in this shop, there are genitals of all kinds, everywhere. A particular highlight is the selection of plush penises in the window.
- Gorgeous, Schönhauser Allee 130, Prenzlauer Berg, details.
The Venus Fair
The annual Venus Fair is considered the world’s largest international trade fair for the porn industry. Boasting more than 400 exhibitors from 36 countries, you can find everything to do with sex, eroticism, and of course, penises. Virtual, real, oversized, available in every material and capable of an overwhelming variety of functions, the Venus Fair really is the ultimate spot for the Berlin-based penis connoisseur.
- Messe Berlin, Messedamm 22, Westend, October 24th – 27th, 2024, details.
Ceramic Dick Workshops with Daniela Torres
Ecuadorian artist Daniela Torres likes to use humour as an outlet for her frustration towards the patriarchy. Participants of all ages, sexualities and genders can take part in her Ceramic Dick workshops, which are about shaping a personal penis, as an outlet for anger, hope – or both.
- Ceramic Dick workshops with Daniela Torres, details.
“The Boxers” by Keith Haring
Keith Haring’s famous sculpture The Boxers stands proudly at Potsdamer Platz. Over the years there have been many different interpretations of these faceless and genderless figures. Are they really embroiled in a boxing match? or more of an erotic or emotional entanglement? Head down there and see what you think.
- “The Boxers” by Keith Haring, Potsdamer Platz.
Penises everywhere in Berlin
If the penises outlined in this article still haven’t satisfied you, then you can find countless other depictions quite literally EVERYWHERE across Berlin. From bar walls to window pains, graffiti to stickers on lampposts. In the mood for a grownup scavenger hunt? Why not see how many you can find in one day? You’ll be amazed.