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John Riceburg’s fashion tips: Work clothes

John Riceburg just discovered Fashion Week is over, but the whole thing makes him so angry he had to block it out last week. So where do real Berliners get their clothing? John has the magic word...

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Is the Fashion Week over? I’m not sure. I hope so. Sure, it might be fun to dress up like an idiot and be photographed by bloggers. But the whole event just makes me too angry to do anything but block it out.

Real Berliners hate the corporate-sponsored hordes of the Fashion Week. So how do real Berliners – like me – acquire clothing? There’s a magic word that will give you access to a haven of stylish and well-made attire: BerufskleidungProfessional attire. Clothes for working people.

I discovered this when searching for a raincoat. I didn’t want to spend hundreds of euros for a contraption that was developed in collaboration of Microsoft and the International Space Station. I wanted yellow plastic that is impermeable to water even if you fall off the deck of a whaling ship. I got just that at a Berufskleidung shop for €20. Rain pants for another €10.

Then I need cargo pants with lots of pockets to carry all my, y’know, reporter stuff. I used to go to H&M and C&A, but the pockets would fall apart after half a year. I ended up paying a seamstress more for repairs than the original price of the pants. And as far as I’m aware, walking around with holes hasn’t been cool since, what, the early 1990s?

Now I have work pants – for €30. It’s the same price as H&M, but I get triple-stitched polyester. I can drop a big bowl of chili on them, just wipe it off with a tissue and go about my day. In fact, these pants make me think about my mortality – they will inevitably last longer than I. 

And that’s just the beginning of the wonders at the Berufskleidung shop. You can get normal-looking shoes in different styles with steel toes in them – I’m not quite sure when that would come in handy for a hipster lifestyle like mine, but I’m sure you’ll think of something. Or you can get a nurse uniform, if that’s what you’re into.

You’re wondering: Won’t it be embarrassing to go to a shop for workers? Once I told a salesman that I expected my new pants to last years. “No,” he said, “if you’re working with these, they’ll need to be replaced in six months.” Well, that was two years ago. And I work! Don’t get the wrong impression – I painted my apartment all by myself! I just don’t do stuff like that 40 hours a week.

The cashier told me lots of hipsters come in. I think we’re going to start a new trend here – and once everyone’s bought Berufskleidung, you won’t ever have to go clothes shopping again. And that’s one more reason to avoid the Fashion Week!

P.S. I won’t provide a link unless one of these shops hands me an envelope full of cash. But just search the internet.