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Ben Knight: A Jolie good ass-kissing

Ben went to Angelina Jolie's press conference for In the Land of Blood and Honey, and noticed a big elephant in the room. Meanwhile, her cast is very enamored with the anti-socialist actress.

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Not always amused. Some of the questions at the press conference were not entirely to Ms. Jolie’s liking. Photo by Eve Lucas

I’m afraid I failed at the Angelina Jolie press conference. Like about 30 other reporters, I didn’t get my question in. This is what it was: “Is it true what it said in Us Weekly, that you hate President Obama because he’s a socialist and if it is true will you move to Berlin so that the Christian Democrats have at least one good-looking person on their side?”

And I’m afraid no-one asked the other burning question on everyone’s mind, formulated by Jacinta Nandi thus: “Ask her if she makes herself extra Mummy-mummy-UNO-humanitarian-mäßig now to make sure that she doesn’t get too much anti-Jennifer feelings from the general public.”

Alas, no journalist confronted Jolie with the theory that her oh-so-convenient interest in humanitarian causes and her decision to write and direct a film about the Bosnian war was an elaborate PR ruse meant to distract people from the fact that she’s an unscrupulous cuckolding husband-thief. Consequently, Jennifer Aniston remained very much the elephant in the press conference.

I suppose these questions would probably have been a bit, you know, awkward, in the circumstances, especially after the Bosnian actors flanking the UNCHR goodwill ambassador were invited to describe their experience of working with her.

“She was like a mother to us,” said one.

“We were blessed to be there,” said another.

“She gave me an opportunity to express all my feelings about the war,” chimed in a third.

“We all know she’s a perfect actress. And she’s a perfect director, too,” said the affable fellow by her side.

“I couldn’t believe it when they told me that she wrote the script. It was so complex and emotional and so true,” said yet another delirious young Serb.

This went on for a while. There were about eight or nine of the cast there. It started to get a bit pukey around number six.

Anyway, apparently Jennifer Aniston is working on a film about Syria now. Set in the siege of Homs. Apparently it’s really bad there. Once he sees it, Brad’ll come crawling back. His perfect abdomen will scrape along her gravel drive.