Amok Mama: Going Deutsch



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splitting costs

you know it goes both ways, right? i know german girls in long-term relationships whose boyfriends contribute to the cost of contraception and betriebskosten. and if it's a long-distance relationship the cost of travel is split, regardless of who is traveling.
what is appalling in considering this, is not that german men won't pay for post-coital breakfast, but that men in germany still earn, on average, more for doing the same job than women do. financial equality has only been achieved in one area.

Federica more than 9 years ago


truth is, I'd rather have an orgasm than a free breakfast

yep more than 9 years ago

Church of Stingyness

Dear Jacinta, you have only met underlings of the German Church of Stinginess. If you want to glimpse into the masters' heads check out There they advise you to pee while showering to save money or to "cook" spaghetti in lukewarm water. Mietminderung and Urlaubsmängel are other deitys to worship. Obviously it is impossible to chance such people without removing essential organs thus the only alternative is to fight them on their turf: The girl's own "Betriebskosten" raise from being shagged 4 times a week by this freak, think about laundry, contraceptives, and vagina cleaning.
If one really wants to have a good time with one of the stingy bunch, she should tell the guy that she is really a prostitute but willing to make an exception. Be sure he will work all night to save the most.
I generally try to be more generous despite being German, however I am tragically inapt at giving head. So maybe there is a direct connection which would be reconciling, wouldn't it?

Jakob more than 9 years ago

@ to quote my mum

Damn it, I bet, they do :D
Give my best to your mum!


Eva more than 9 years ago

22 euros for a fork?

Was it made of solid gold or something?

You're having us on right? more than 9 years ago


the stingiest men EVER in the history of stinge.
They'd lift the lump of kohle from your stocking if they thought it could rub a few deutschmarks off the heizkosten.
A mitbewohner once tried to bill me 22euros for a "misplaced fork." And that's a quote.

dmachine more than 10 years ago


My mum always says: "They only ever get stingier."

To quote my mum more than 10 years ago

Just stay away from them

stingy girls an boys – whatever their nationality.

Eva more than 10 years ago

This is so true!

And a real shock to anyone who is together with a German guy for the first time!

D. more than 10 years ago


You are right .. in general. On the other hand, I dated a British guy for a year and *he* was the stingiest guy I ever met :D

Eva more than 10 years ago

What the heck...

Can't help but notice that this column receives an over-proportionally ‘explicit’ share of negative feedback. This column is (intended to be) a satire - it’s a ‘comment’: read it or leave it. Someone (i.e. the author) piss somebody off in the past? Somebody fart?

Mike more than 10 years ago

Hypocritical, presumptuous, and typically overgeneralized (with an unhealthy dose of oversharing.)

I'm glad I stopped halfway through reading this, but may I please be financially compensated for the two minutes I wasted reading the first half? A woman cannot expect equality in every domain in society, and simultaneously, by default, take it for granted that she will have her meals and taxis paid for unquestionably. Also, there's not much science to White Russians. Ask The Dude. At least a decent percentage of anglophone Berlin now knows that you swallow; duly noted. I'm sure your boyfriend is happy to hear about your past exploits as well, and I hope he was compensated for the excessive publication of the exhibitionist information in a similar manner. Hopefully your oral prowess will be enough to keep this one. As for the rest of us, may your ability to keep a reader's interest by actually offering something insightful develop to the level of your other advertised...skills.

I'll take an Überweisung more than 10 years ago

Good head

I agree! At least with the fact that Germans give really good head. I've done plenty of research on the fact (both quantitative and qualitative) and at least I've never lost any money to stinginess on that part!

Walter Crasshole more than 10 years ago

cultural differences

I had a good laugh over Host’s Betriebskosten! (But I would be offended if a friend with whom I have slept the previous night invited me for breakfast, though.)

mare more than 10 years ago

Good Lord...

... happens to me every single bloody time I'm out with some Germans in Berlin. Go out with plenty of money (well, some), come back with none. Which would not be surprising at all, but it's usually not proportional to next day's head-ache. And I've thought it was me being too quick to bottoms-up... no, it's them stalling and waiting for me to get the next round! Bastards!

Mike more than 10 years ago


this wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt for the sprinkling of german words throughout.
it completely pointles, plus it nervt an.

juarez more than 10 years ago


The German stinginess is weird. It's not really based on saving money, not really. It's this idea that I worked harder and suffered more for my money and, therefore, it's worth more than yours. And, anyway, everyone's just trying to fuck you out of this hard-earned money anyway so you've got to be on guard all the time.

I don't actually think it's related to the judge's obsessive compulsive disorder or the flaschensammler -- I think that's all just OCD.

Drew Stingy more than 10 years ago

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