Q I just starting seeing this amazing girl and we have great sex often. She is amazingly beautiful, but a little insecure in bed – which was not helped by the fact that her shitty ex-BF told her she was a ‘‘wank jump’’.
I am really into giving her orgasms whenever possible, but basically the head-job discussion is completely OFF LIMITS. She has told me that it’s strictly for Christmas or birthdays, and has made it clear she’s just not into it. I’ve tried the denial method, but fuck that, I love eating vagina. Part of me thinks, ‘‘Who cares, I’m with someone who likes me…’’ But I think maybe the denial is making me want it more. She is young (21) and I’m 34, which is fine, but she had a tough time in her teenage years. – Oral Otis
A You have ‘‘great sex often’’ with a girl who is more than 10 years younger than you? Please count your blessings and stop whining. Eventually she will come around and let you lick her pussy on a more regular basis. She is 21, which is when most women are merely starting to figure out what they like and dislike in bed AND you just started seeing her, so please chill and be more patient. Ask her if she would try 69 with you, that way her pussy isn’t the only focal point. If she still frowns upon it, oh well, you are still getting what most men crave: regular great sex with a younger woman. If you give up and leave her, the next girl may hate giving oral: then you will really be fucked!
Q I am a premature ejaculator. I doubt I am the only one with this problem, but I suffer greatly from it. My last girlfriend cheated on me and when I confronted her, she said, “I had to fuck someone else, you don’t satisfy me.” Since then, I haven’t started another relationship because I am feeling unworthy of any pussy. My penis is rather large, but I can’t hold out for more than two minutes. Any advice you have for me would be a gift. – Quick Nick
A There are some tricks you can try: (1) Wank off hours before you see your girl. (2) Always use a condom so it doesn’t feel so overwhelmingly amazing. (3) Fuck standing up (ejaculation will take longer as your brain is slightly preoccupied with keeping you standing up and less blood will be in your cock – some has to be in the legs to keep you up and moving. (4) Make her cum before you even start fucking her, so she has less to complain about if you finish quickly once you’re in there. (5) Date a woman who couldn’t care less about sex (I KNOW there are many out there, I hear about them every day from their frustrated partners).
Q Relatives keep winding me up about being a 36-year-old single woman. I really can’t take all of this nagging anymore. They harp at me every chance they get: the “I just haven’t met Mr. Right” expression isn’t helping anymore. Am I the only one who just doesn’t care if I am dating or not? I have a cat so I am never lonely. – Sick of it All Sally
A At the next family gathering, as soon as someone goes there, at a very loud pitch say: “I am single because I refuse to take it up the ass, which is a deal breaker nowadays.” See how that grabs them.
Q I love my wife of 18 years; everything used to be okay. I had a drinking problem, and I rarely got sex even though I wanted it. I tried everything to turn her on. She’s the receiver: she never makes any effort to instigate or give sexual pleasure. I quit drinking a year ago and realized how controlling she is. We would be at a party and I would say, “I’m going to go talk to whoever” – and she would grab my shirt and tell me “NO, stay here, have a drink!” Family members would put me down, yet she never said anything. She yells/snaps at me for no reason. I told her it gives me chest pains, but she continues. I let hercontrol the bills: she has ruined my credit! All this was okay until I started standing up for myself.
We almost divorced three times this year, but avoided it by me giving in and trying “one more time”. Each time we reconciled, she would give me all the sex I wanted (for a while), then would start snapping at me again. I really can’t afford to leave her: I don’t make enough to live by myself and I love her, but I WANT sex. By the way, she loves me eating her out, but won’t give me head where I get to come in her mouth, even though I told her I really want that. When we do have sex, she’s never into it – she just tells me to “hurry up”. I feel I’m missing out on a lot. I don’t know what to do. She says she loves me more than anything – hmmm. – Suffocated Steve
A In my opinion, if she “loves you more than anything”, she would let you cum in her mouth, stop bitching at you and smack the shit out of people who put you down. She is probably so used to you being drunk and apathetic that she doesn’t really know the real you anymore and can’t understand why you can no longer be ordered around. If you are going to stay with her, you need to write her a letter so you can get your real thoughts out on paper without her having the chance to interrupt or snap at you while you’re doing it.
Tell her you are sorry for being drunk for so many years, but you are back and it’s time for you to make up for lost time, and take charge of your bills, household, spunk and life in general. She can either relax and enjoy the new you or move the fuck on and spend some other wimp’s money. Words don’t mean anything. Anyone can say ‘I love you’, but it’s actions that reveal the truth of the matter. I would personally rather be broke than live with someone who sucks in bed, spends all my money and nags at me. If you do leave her, avoid remarrying: the same fucking thing will happen all over again. Like Chris Rock says, “If you like fucking, don’t get married.”
Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]
