Confessions of an expat bike thief



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You ought to be shot in the face.

ThievesMustDie 11 days ago


I honestly hope this guy died

FuckBLM 346 days ago


LOL I juuuust moved home to Detroit and am about to go hit up midtown to Jack a new bike, and get a few extra to get back on my feet. Better hide yo shit, cause even if you nail it down a detroit NIGGA goin get it

Rod Sauce more than 3 years ago

Sauce for the goose

Man steals bikes and resells them on a bridge--commentators go crazy.

Squatters illegally occupy a building and refuse to give possession back to the owner--commentators go crazy, but for the opposite reason.

Consider me a confused capitalist when it comes to the concept of property rights in Berlin...

Confused Capitalist more than 5 years ago

Berliner hyporcrites

They are all hyporcrite and see the problem only when it directly affects them.
Most of those who support squatters have never owned an apartment - it is easy for them to say "yeah, man, fuck the system". But all the stupid leftist hipsters in this town own a bike and go crazy when THEIR shit gets touched...

Manfred more than 3 years ago

"But I was also on Hartz IV, so... I was ballin’!"

I am not sure this guy has a real concept of "ballin'"....

Dan Schalow more than 5 years ago

This baller

This cunt started out saying he needed money cause he had a kid on the way and ends with its get hoes money...what a cunt

Gerry more than 4 years ago

reason to kill

guys like this need to be killed. if I saw you with my bike you'd be done for. You think you're Robin Hood? Stupid motherfuck3r....

IRapeYourKids more than 5 years ago

re: what to do about it

Another way to go is to make sure that the thief can’t resell the parts easily or the actual bike will be recognized directly as being stolen. I’ve previously used saddle locks and wheels locks on my bike which has proven great. Also I saw another very cool solution from a Berlin company at which seems to offer the chance to protect your bolts without having to change much. Will check them out for sure.

MaxSwede more than 5 years ago

stupid fuck

get a load of this idiot... hope someone bashes your face in

kek more than 6 years ago


ugh. this person exists. and why the fuck did i read that shit.

annoyed more than 6 years ago


I like how you played the take from the rich to give to the poor card. Like you're somehow redistributing the wealth and making the world a better place. But you're just selling to hipsters and wasting the money on pot, booze and hoes (I note that there's no mention of purchases for the two kids you 'got'). When I move to Berlin I'm going to buy a really cool bike and rig it with high explosives so that when you try to steal it blows your face off. Then you can come find me on the Kottbusser Brücke where I'll be selling faces like I'm selling grapes 'I got faces, pretty faces'. Then we can negotiate a nice price which factors in all the awesome cyclists you've fckd over in your illustrious career. Fckn POS.

DD more than 7 years ago


you and your life suck, so much

your name more than 7 years ago


i have one wish in this world and that is to come face to face with the c*ntface that wrote this stoopid illiterate american fuck..if i ever meet you ill take you into a back alley somewhere and absolutely destroy you..motherf@cker u would be living out the rest of your days in a wheelchair if i ever came face to face with piece of shit..

J more than 8 years ago

your funny. why would you find me in a back allee. If you ever meet me? Your already scared of me. You don't wanna meet me. You want to destroy me. LOL. Well i'm not scared. Im not that person anymore either so take a deep breath. You make me laugh and smile.Your sheltered and again you make me smile boy

Guy in the article more than 7 years ago


Hey man, I'd like to get some pointers for an story I'm doing on bike theft. Could you drop me a line?


L more than 7 years ago


Using cool language doesn't make you cool. How stupid must you be to be proud of being a cunt. And how effing stupid must you be to steal something worth potentially €100+ (maybe from someone who doesn't have much money) and then "feel bad" about ripping off your buyers (who might be full of cash) for asking for more than 20 bucks.
If you had stolen my bike, I wouldn't have been able to buy another one. And my bike is the last present my mum gave me, so if a cunt like you stole it to make 10 bucks for drugs and whores and then bragged about "how kewl he is, so kewwwwl maaan", yeah i'd want you to get hurt.
Why didn't you steal homeless people's bicycles while you were at it? Usually they're not locked, as they can't afford a lock. Much easier! So kewl!
You might not do it anymore, but being so proud of yourself still makes you a POS. I hope all the stuff you value gets stolen by a POS like you. Fuck you.

feckyouPOS 247 days ago

Next Xberliner piece.

Wheelchair thieves!

Mauer Mike more than 7 years ago

you scum

You sick. It's because of people like you that it sucks to live in this city. I really hope that you get to try your own medicine soon.

alhambra more than 8 years ago

Bike theft

I just had my bike nicked. Nearly 18 months old, don't know if it's me or my girlfriend who feels worse about it. To see my bike lock, which incidentally cost 10% the cost of the bike just lying shattered on the ground where my bike was, just pissed me off. The fact that some utter scum bag probably does just fence it off for 30/40 euro to some other arsehole equally pisses me off too.
If I got my hands on the prick who pinched, I'd kick the fucking shit out of them, esp if it turned out to be a a fucking yank.......

Harry more than 8 years ago

fake. troll article

Not a real story. Totally fake. Someone's trolling. Dead beat dad, on government assistance, womanizer, thief, drug user. Someone's painting a picture.

peebottle more than 9 years ago

I'm buying a knife for people like you

I am going to get another bike, and wait for you to come in. the next one is getting his throat cut with my new knife. I am not violent but people like you make me one. And by the way, your kid should be taken away and you should not be allowed to see your kid ever again.

michael more than 9 years ago

total. wasteman

this guy is a lost cause. too many with this kind of attitude and it stinks. the london riots were started with this mentality. getting something for nothing. total waste of space I hope you do the right thing and give something back to the community, like charity or helping grannies cross the road. or just carry on smoking your 'doobies' and wasting your life away.


thecandinsky more than 9 years ago

re-examine my moral values?

Hey Walter Crasshole, what do you mean we "need to examine our own moral values"? At least, we have some, unlike some assholes. Or would you prefer simple immorality, like people stealing stuff you worked hard for? We are not on any high horses - you are the one on a high horse, with your puerile judgements of normal working people who have been deprived unjustly. Grow up.

The only thing is that I agree that the Ex-B was right to publish the article - I think the response shows the general disgust of normal good people and the mendacious false nature of at least one bike thief.

dave more than 9 years ago


whiney, bitchy white people whining and bitching about white-people problems. seriously, why not just go occupy kotti brücke? fight the man. the one man. mobs are so sexy.

sopho more than 9 years ago


@Walter Crasshole: while I agree that many of the comments on this string are fairly extreme, I fail to see how not wanting to get your bike stolen and hoping the thief is punished when it does happen is a "silly bourgeois plea." I also don't understand how thinking a recidivist bike thief should be punished puts someone on a moral high horse of privilege and entitlement.

In your opinion, how should theft be handled? Or do you think it should not be punished at all? Please clarify.

bikerider more than 9 years ago


The problem was that I had, like, no money. I was waiting for it. I was asking my family for money, but it was just taking so long and I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wrote my auntie, like, “Well, I’ve gotta steal a bike then.”

How about "well, i've gotta find a job then."

Eva more than 9 years ago


Alright, mob. Settle the fuck down. You sound like a bunch of tea-partiers. Look, I've had my bike stolen and it fucking sucks, but most of you need to examine your own moral values. Once you put down your pitchforks and Draconian calls for imprisonment, maybe you can see that you silly bourgeois pleas for revenge only shows your own deep-seated privilege, entitlement and conservative values (things, I might add, BERLIN DOESN'T NEED). You people are fucking scary.

I am not defending bike theft. It fucking sucks. I wouldn't do it and I don't wish it upon anybody, but I'm not on a high enough horse to say that this man should be locked up.

To those that think Exberliner is somehow advocating or condoning criminal behavior or people's extreme views by publishing a (true!) story, how many times is Geraldo chastised for interviewing Charles Manson? Or any other news organization interviewing someone about their behavior. Extremem example, for sure, but you get the point.

On a side note to the guy who used the word "moralfags": fuck you. Homophobe.

Walter Crasshole more than 9 years ago

More police needed

I agree that we need much more police action over stolen bikes. Berlin is generally such a peaceful, safe, uncomplicated city EXCEPT for bike thefts. It was interesting to read such "confessions" but I think people like the him should really be in jail for the trouble and anguish they cause. It is disgusting too to learn that he was even claiming benefits paid by the citizens he was stealing from. Scum indeed. Also scum are the people who would buy such blatantly stolen bikes, and therefore encouraging such thieves.

It was also interesting to read his lies in the comments about being beaten up by the German police. Maybe that happens in Africa or the USA, but not here in Berlin, asshole. Try another better lie to justify your shittiness - how about laziness, selfishness and greed?

david more than 9 years ago


If there were Fahrrad police in Berlin, everyone would lose her bike. Who here doesn't own a stolen bike?

If you don't want your bike stolen, don't provide a market for stolen bikes by buying one.

Experience more than 9 years ago

Nothing moral about it

Isnt it amazing how even scum like this can justify it to themselves that their decrepit and harmful behaviour is somewhat 'noble'.

If anything though Berlin needs fahrrad polizei as they have in Münster and München to catch scum like him.

Youdeservetimeinjail more than 9 years ago


@anon: Don't be patronising. I don't think he's the only bike thief in town - it's just very distressing to read that someone's stealing bikes (and causing so much distress) for fun as he didn't even need the money!

@guy in the article: I am glad you have stopped stealing bikes. I hope it is for real.

chris more than 9 years ago

i hear you

i hear you but i dont steal bikes anymore.. i was talking about experiences from years ago. i have nothing to be ashamed of..i live a normal unassisted life.......your worried about the wrong things..

guy in the article more than 9 years ago

What is wrong with you?

I know people are angry are about loosing their bikes, and this seems like a probable platform for you to vent your anger but don't be naive to think that this guy is the ONLY bike thief in the city.

Anon more than 9 years ago

sad wanking shithead

I am an ex-pat working in Berlin and had my bike stolen when I went to Hauptbahnhof to do some shopping in the supermarket there as it is one of the few places open in a Sunday. The aggravation and inconvenience caused was unbelievable and the police do not seem too interested, which is a stupid shame. But far from being a harmless crime, it really annoyed me that someone can simply come and steal my only means of free transport in Berlin. How would you like it if someone came to your home and stole your best clothes, or something that you need every day and you cannot afford to buy a replacement? My bike was a present from my girlfriend and she saved for a year to help me buy it so you are a wanker to just come and screw up my life for your few Euros. You are just a cheap imitation of a man claiming Hartz IV from a country that is feeding and housing you and instead of being ashamed of that, you are stealing and hurting other people who are paying the taxes that support scum like you. And you dare boast you often don't even need the money! Well, people need their bikes and you have no right to steal something that people need.

chris more than 9 years ago


Self-regarding egotistical wanker. However the editorial decision behind publishing this crap is highly questionable; I doubt if I'll be purchasing your publication again.

Marco more than 9 years ago


What a fool. It's enough to give humans a bad name.This interview should be reported to the authorities, and I know just who's going to do that.

Marco more than 9 years ago

thrown in the canal

let's hope so
what goes around comes around...

Dave more than 9 years ago


can you read? because you certainly can't write. I'm a native english speaker and I have a very hard time understanding most of what you wrote. Also, consider the possibility that many people choose to have bikes -instead of, or in addition to cars. Not because they can't afford a car, but because they make the healthier, better for the environment choice. i grew up in the US and to live in a city where bike riding is easy and safe is a HUGE advantage to life here. It's disappointing that you can't respect that very special culture, and instead promote an attitude of fear and paranoia, saying that the solution is to buy a better lock. It seems like you would be better off back in Detroit with that attitude.

more than 9 years ago

Its me the guy in the article

I I find everyones comments very interesting.... the article was not written by me or edited by me..i was interviewed about my past. im not such the bike theif anymore. ! things were taken out of order and i dont care. i helped someone write an article thats the only reason i did it. not to glorify anything... It has nothing to do with not being able to speak german or knocking women up haha.....i did it for fun when i was younger. so what!!! your bike got stolen boo hoo bitch buy a car or get a better job or i dont know do whatever to make sure you dont need a fucking a real fucking lock for your bike.. stop being cheap pussies hiding behind your keyboards and imagining yourself putting your bitch-made hands on me. you wouldnt put a hand on the police. ive been beaten up by police in the police station in berlin for just trying to get help way before i needed to steal a fuck anybody who has an idea about anything...your ignorant.. your pussy cats on the street. you wouldnt save a fly from a fog... im happy i could make you stupid fucks feel better about yourselves.. and i dont know what a hipster is... but if i look at you and i dont like you maybe your one of them..... OK ii cant wait to see what people have to say...

bike theif more than 9 years ago

i hate you

i am an american also living in Berlin, and i'd like to first thank you for stealing my bike last night, and secondly and more significantly, for making americans look stupid and immoral.
"In Hamburg there's more respect"??? what the fuck does that mean? you are the only one being disrespectful.
You talk about providing a service to this city, but also admit that you're selling to "pussies" and tourists." You're on welfare, and taking the personal property of innocent people in the city-so how exactly how are providing a service? it seems like you are just taking-both bikes and unemployment funding.
You are absolutely disgusting. And embarrassing. I hate you.

more than 9 years ago

maybe i should come looking for you

on Kottbusser Bridge and use those cutters on a few fingers. thanks for taking our bike last night.

fuck you more than 9 years ago

Lifting the veil

Like so many ExBerliner pieces, it would've benefited from a capable editor. Still, I was interested in hearing how a Berlin bicycle thief thinks. Anonymous stories like this ran in the press in Amsterdam where I lived. Bike theft there is a real plague – something like 200,000 a year, much higher than in Berlin. So how do Amsterdam owners cope? For starters they invest in quality locks. Many are worth more than their bikes. City-dwellers usually have two bikes: a beater for everyday use, and a spiffier job for weekend outings that they lock up inside.

Bob Fiets more than 9 years ago


Wow. an interesting article in exberliner.. who would have thought! Moral fags should take the high road out of here.. you are reading a english magazine! If your german is so great go back to reading Mein Kampf or whatever is popular with the german youth at the moment. "Get a job" - typical middle class rhetoric, we are living in Berlin so we don't have to work, or have you forgotten that because you have been here so long?

Great story, exberliner.

another arsehoole more than 9 years ago

Go home

Shame on Ex-Berliner for romanticizing this leech. If this magazine had a conscience, it would turn him in to the cops and do something positive for cyclists in this city!

As for the American asshole who thinks it's cool to come to another country and steal, go home to your f%$%^ed-up country and learn some values. And grow up.

Black swan more than 9 years ago


"I couldn’t justify selling a bike for €40 to somebody – it’s just a rip-off." How about not being able to justify stealing a bike at all? And how about learning some German and get yourself a job?

Oana more than 9 years ago


so he steals bikes to get high and drink all the while on the Hartz IV (or was on it). though only selling it to "hipsters" or "pussies" even though by his description he's just a self hating hipster himself (whatever the fuck a hipster is these days). Man, at least Detroit is better off without you there. You're just a thief, plain and simple - the lowest of the low in any city. You don't belong in a community or city that takes care of you in which all you do is rip it off because you knocked up some women and can't wait for your Aunt to send you money. Fuck dude, wear a condom and get a job.

State Theatre more than 9 years ago


So why does this guy still have a visa? I'd rather have my bike stolen by a hobo who could use the money to drink his sorrows away than this "LOLZ I uses da money fo drugs n hoes yo!!!!" wanker. Knowing "the other side of the fence" just confirmed my desire to punch bike thieves in the face - so I guess the article did achieve something?

feed more than 9 years ago

Admittedly, the opening is pretty misleading

Where in the piece does it suggest that he's "a thief with a conscience"?

Speed Racer more than 9 years ago


I have lived here for 13 years and had countless bikes stolen. I hate bike thieves like the rest of us. But it's fascinating to get into the head of a criminal. It's not like he's a genocidal war criminal, just a petty thief. So the "moral" argument against interviewing him is very weak.

Maurice T Frank more than 9 years ago

Such a bad idea

There is no other side of the fence. Hey, how about interviewing some drug dealers in Kotti next time? “Oh man, I’m happy that you bought this stuff from me because it’s cheap.” And it "cuts through shit like butter" too. Damn.

Mike more than 9 years ago

Did someone steal your bike?

I don't think Exberliner are asking you to think it's okay?Maybe you have misunderstood. I think it is interesting to see it from the other side of the fence

Olivia Hazeldine more than 9 years ago


Don't be silly b. I think it's pretty interesting that an American is so deep into bike theft here. And it's good to know who you're up against.

SG more than 9 years ago


This is the most ridiculous thing I have a read on Exberliner. Am I supposed to think it's okay because he is only stealing certain bikes and selling to hipsters? Or that he doesn't charge that much? And why would the author even give this guy the platform to justify his behavior?

b more than 9 years ago

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