Loveless in Berlin



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I Need a man( german

I really need a german man for a relationship, we can also talk business later. Am in Nigeria for now

Beauty more than 1 year ago

Not true for English speaking women

It's completely false. I am an expat here (24 year old). And like me, tons of guys face problem finding a partner.

You go to meetups, full of men. Dating sites.. full of men. It's really hard for men here these days. I cannot say for local Germans, but expat men struggle a lot, while women can afford to be very picky.

Expatriate more than 3 years ago

Consumer society dating problems

Your article makes it sound like women, including yourself, move to Berlin for attractive trendy artist hipster guys and then when none want to commit and instead lead wild lives well into their 30s and beyond, you give up. The line about flocking to some attractive guy at a party full of "nerds" says it all.

The comments about how dating for women has turned into another trendy consumerist transaction are also right on. It seems like you and similar women don't want commitment in general, you want what you think is a top product to be yours exclusively to show off, like the best of current fashion trends, so you can feel better than everyone else. In Berlin, that's a good looking hipster artist, nothing else.

For those asking why men don't want to go on 2-3 dates before sleeping with you, they are most likely the type above, right? If so many women are flocking to them, why would they want to spend 2-3 nights on dates in hopes that something may happen when they have a ton more waiting to sleep with them right away?

Y more than 4 years ago

When women are turned into men…

men turn into boys.

This is because of Feminism. Women have been brainwashed into thinking that a career really can replace having a familiy or -- worse -- that women can have it both. Ladies, you can't. You can not have a career and be a good mother. Most of you will not have a career anyway. You will have a job.

So you are spending your most fertile years whoring around and getting a useless education. Sad.

And stop being outraged. You know I'm right.

M more than 4 years ago


"You know I'm right"? You sound like a 12-year old with an Oedipus complex and a troglodyte mentality. No wonder you can't get a date.

Sad more than 2 years ago


Just like the chancellor, Angela Merkel.... a job, not a career... Her education, was of course, useless!

Julianne more than 1 year ago


Usually those who try hard to invalidate the lives of others are unhappy
and insecure

Jo more than 1 year ago

Is not problem about dating here in Berlin.

There Is a problem to find husband. A real man

Alexa more than 4 years ago

Not true at all

I lived in Berlin for a couple of years and I never haad troubles with dating. In fact, single men outnumber single women, look up the statistics. I know many single men in Berlin who had such a hard time dating.

A woman more than 4 years ago

Moving to Berlin

Uau, I'm shocked with the romance in Berlin.
I'll move there in 1 week to work and I'm looking forward to meet the Berlin the way, I'm single with 35... ;))

Carlos Jorge more than 5 years ago

Still single

I want to have date with someone. It's been 3 years I m in berlin but still single. I m 25.

Abedin more than 5 years ago


My name is aafwan

safwa more than 4 years ago

Good god

“I was at a party – mostly girls and couples; the few single guys there were total nerds. Then ONE good-looking, interesting guy comes in. Suddenly, all the girls were all over him. Most of them looked pretty cute. Lucky guy!”

"ONE good-looking, interesting guy" - oh - how was he "interesting" ? Did you hear him talk before making this judgment ? Did you communicate ? Or did you judge by appearance ? Chances are the one criterion for you was his "good looks". And that´s about it. And "all the girls were all over him" added to his attractivity, I guess. Both criteria are totally superficial. Are you actually aware of the fact that the problem is you ? Your superficial self driven only by super-superficial market-logic ? I bet you see your partner as a status symbol too. Good god. See, I hope you change. I hope you work on yourself. And if you dont do it for yourself, please take at least so much responsibility and try to be a worthy human and to transform your superficial environment into something worth living in. This is sad, really sad. You rant for 2 pages and you dont even realize what you present to the world. Your logic is a) not even there, and b) totally immoral, superficial, consumerist, cold, ... I lack the words to describe what I feel when reading this. It´s like you describe a bad shopping experience at "dm" or "Rossmann". Read it again.

a guy more than 5 years ago

well I guess he was attractive

If many girls were into him?
Never happened to you that you just see someone and - damn I wanna get to know that person!
That's how it works with many women, we get locked on 1 guy and we don't care about anything else.
There is nothing wrong with that it's our nature the same as staight guys look at tits

nancy more than 5 years ago

Meet lady

How can I meet lady company me in Berlin

Yahya more than 5 years ago


Jep it's the basic instinct, to quote the movie. And the men's basic instinct is to sleep with as many women as possible. So have fun but don't be surprised that those adventures don't lead to relationships. That's a little more demanding.

happyWithoutTattoo more than 4 years ago

wolves under sheep skin

I have to say that several times I have gone for men who were extremely low standard in looks (i mean even extremely overweight and hygiene issues), but presented themselves as genuine deep souls, only to discover narcissists who played and abused me, also dating 10 other women at a time, by the way. Then I had steady partners 3 times who had a lower level of education and job, as my goal was really to find companionship, not a status symbol, and it ended up in bad treatments having to be rescued by the police and move countries and incurring into debt because one of them. I am 49, only to clear out that I m not changing partners every year.

Kelisi more than 5 years ago


how can i meet you

sal more than 5 years ago

The best line showing ignorance is this

“I was at a party – mostly girls and couples; the few single guys there were total nerds. Then ONE good-looking, interesting guy comes in. Suddenly, all the girls were all over him. Most of them looked pretty cute. Lucky guy!”

Errm. Have you talked to the guy ? How do you judge he´s "interesting" ? By his looks ? Yeah ? And I guess this is how you decided not to talk to the "nerds" of the party as well right ? By their looks. Because being an "interesting guy" is clearly superficial after all. That´s what we´re here for, right ? I really wonder how people like you are allowed to multiply but I guess this is the only way you can save your superficial kind from extinction. Good god. "The only interesting guy" - and all the women were instantly up on him. Hasnt said a word, but hey the only worthy guy in there... your superficiality is disgusting. Good god. Holy god.

a guy more than 5 years ago

Oh and one more thing

have you tried talking to the "nerds" ?

a guy more than 5 years ago


I just read the comments (and of course the article above) before I wanted to comment this myself.
My assumption was: men have it just that hard. And sadly, the comments somehow reflect that.
To be honest, I think something else is happening, and please excuse me for appearing rude, maybe. I do not intend to do so. But being "rude" will get my message across swifter.
So imagine that you would approach a single guy, with a few physical flaws. Maybe a bit overweight, maybe not so attractive physically. Maybe not super successful, and maybe not surrounded by women who already are queuing up on him.
Do you think you would have such a hard time ?
My point is: if this is a market - and I think it is - people are mostly attracted to the "products" which everybody wants. Moreover, very sadly, women tend to be that way much much more than men. A man who is approved and endorsed by high demand on him will get many more offers than a man who hasnt.
Men are willing to lower their "standards" - I have been willing to commit to women who I find physically not attractive at all. One of those experiences (with a heavily obese woman) ended up like this: "What is this in your hair ?" -"A hair volumizer, it makes my hair appear more than it is" "Get out of my bed you know where the door is". I m not joking. This was real. And I ask myself
I am not saying that this is how you are. But there are so many single men out there who want to commit. Just approach them. Try. You will find some who want to commit and who will be giving more love to you than you ever expected there could be in this world (yes, I get you have a relationship now but this is meant as an advice for those who are single).
Markets should not penetrate love. Markets should not be in human relationships. Sadly, nowadays, they are. And relationships are highly subjective, they are holy. They should not be compared. Humans should not be compared. And especially not for demand. A person should furthermore not be reduced to his body (and yes, women in Berlin do that much more than men do, much much more).
Sadly, we have not yet learned how to deal with capitalism. And where it has its place. And where not.
Go out there, talk to some older guy. Talk to some guy sitting alone at the bar. Sit at a table with a lonely guy reading a book. And get to know him. It´s that easy. But maybe you dont want that.
And if you think those people are "garbage", then there is your problem. And ours.

A guy more than 5 years ago


I have been here 7 weeks and its difficult then again I dont go clubbing or much about apart from the Gym. From the UK and a bodybuilder who was in last years Flex Magazine and now getting into the fitness model scene but even bein in great shape and looking good i presume its very difficult in Berlin compared to Birmingham were I had no problems. Reading all this now makes me really think whats gonna happen.

Kash more than 5 years ago

This article is so correct

So many times I went out with a guy for a drink, talking, having some nice time, and then he seems like completely willing to got to my house or his to sleep with me, but when I say no, not tonight, I never hear from him again. What did I ask? just to have 2-3 dates? To get to know each other a bit? Is it so hard?
It's not like every guy I meet is a potential husband, but it seems that guys are so afraid of getting attached that even hanging around with a new person seems to them like some horrifying idea.

Linds more than 6 years ago

i hear ya

same here....

Nancy more than 5 years ago

Single handsome normal

I cannot believe that there are so many beautiful intelligent women cannot find normal handsome eligible men - I am in Berlin, from England and available so if you want to give it a shoy lets take a coffee :) jamespdimes at gmail dot com

James Dimes more than 6 years ago


JD you sound like one of those wolves under sheepskin

Kelisi more than 5 years ago

no mind

hello everybody . You should go out while you are relax . Don't think to do yes I will find someone tonight. Be relax and have fun . If you will find the right man so he will be the bonus of the day . Life is fun and have enjoy .. I will be in Berlin on March 04-07 2015 and I will see whats happening :) lol
skype: erhan_erhan_29

Erhan more than 6 years ago


...are not to be discussed. women are single because they just want what they can offer by themselves. not more, not less. that's fair enough and anything else would be just desperate. sorry, guys :D (wär ja noch schöner ;)

Tina more than 6 years ago


…cat lady. Enjoy your dried up ovaries and the huge hole that remains in your soul.

M more than 4 years ago

lower expectations? is this a joke?

Expectations are not born out of nothing. I get sick hearing this "advice" for women. What an insult! if somebody is too emotionally crippled to actually fall in love, it's the woman that says: sorry, you don't meet my expectations, not the opposite.

Tina more than 6 years ago

a committed man as husband

I am young black girl based in Berlin.

Julitta more than 6 years ago


Hi JUlitta - we should meet for coffee

JD more than 6 years ago

not only women

I'm a single man in my early Thirties, who happens to be an oldschool Berliner (born and raised). I have a different perception from the one stated in this article. First things first: I have been a single since forever, and no, I'm not having one night stand after one night stand. Maybe I happen to be one of those guys who are categorized as "total nerds" in the article, but I just can't find a way to date any woman. So I really don't know anything about the narrative of "it's easy to get laid in Berlin". I would happily settle down with just one woman, if I would find one. What I'm saying: it's obviously not only women, who have troubles finding a partner and it's obviously not only men who are very selective when it come to potential partners! Please stop pretending otherwise.

I guess there is another factor involved concerning the typical experliner crowd, pseudo-globetrotter jetset young urban professionals, who idealize the wannabe-lifestyle (which is actually no lifestyle but was born out of certain demands in some branches of international business) of constantly travelling the globe, living in various big cities, always on the move, not establishing real friendships anywhere and simultaneously they want to SETTLE! You can only have one or the other. When you are 30 years old and you move to Berlin for a new job, essentially leaving all your past relationships behind you, do you think you can just built new relationships as the ones you would make as someone who is just growing up, slowly and steadily building a trusting relationship? It's not working, the Berliners who are your age have already established relationships that are deeply rooted in growing up together and knowing one another for a long time. You can not just chime in and say "Hi, I'm Andrea from San Francisco! Can we pretend we know each other for twenty years, as if we have many past experiences that we share..." if you just arrived here.

Erich Mielke more than 6 years ago


This is a really depressing unhelpful comment, thanks

Jacinta more than 6 years ago

exactly the type of mentality that i don´t like

this is part of the german mentality that i really don´t like, since it´s true that you can´t be good friends with someone you have just met, but the fact is that germans, many of them, don´t bother really to get to know other people beyond their "Freundeskreis"; they only want to get to know them insofar as they deem it necessary for the situation. For the other person is not as black and white as for the cozy-always-already-been-living-here german person, and can therefore be very frustrating to deal with, specially if you have grown yourself some expectations about the kinds of relationships you want to keep fostering with that particular person or persons. In the end one has to accept that people here are very arbitrary regarding friendships and relationships and that many don´t have the patience to really make new lasting friendships and that the way they are nice to you represents just that casual allure people in Berlin love to spread all over as glitter in summer parties

Denis Vargas more than 6 years ago


would love to have read an article like that but with a male point of view.

blalala more than 7 years ago

true true true

Your article saved my week. I'm on my 30s and this old old old! man even blocked me from our only way of communication (chat)... I was becoming "neurotic" for reacting and hoping for a stronger connection. God forbid us to ask for a little bit more, even if you are already having sex for 6 months (I wasn't even worth of after-sex cuddling) . I didn't even deserve an explanation, it seems. I still feel like he just threw me away like simple trash. Never-again-in-Berlin.

Hopeless more than 7 years ago

There is your problem

"already having sex for 6 months (I wasn't even worth of after-sex cuddling)" - exactly this. Do you even understand ??

A guy more than 5 years ago

Stop Berliner artists bashing

Stop berlin artists bashing. they are maybe the "successfull artist next door" in an other capital.

Why bashing (again) the artists mens with such unappropriated words. I mean. what's the hell is wrong with people who lives in an inspiring city, where everybody come to work and to practice arts? Of COURSE there are artists here. Of course there are music producers. I hate to hear these answers, when poeple ask me what I'm doin : "oh , you're producer.. mmm . It's .. "original". Well, honney bunny, go to india, there are probably no hindouists at all.

auddie more than 7 years ago

cry, baby, cry

Is this another clichéd case of the perpetrator playing victim when the truth is pointed out??? :-)
Its not about artist bashing, its about cliché bashing- and all clichéd people deserve to be 'bashed' ;-)

While there are 'artists' out there who are above the clichéd egotistical, sycophantic, old creative Berlin fool in his 40s/50s (who is often the refuse of- long thrown out by- a woman his own age ;-) ) chasing/playing multiple women (sometimes young enough to be his children) as some sort of point scoring system for his deflated mid-life crisis ridden ego while not being self-aware, mature or wise enough to have developed out of a self-centred 20-something mentality and calling it 'freedom' :-), they are few and far between.

While this cliché does exist in creative circles, it is as ugly and laughable as the clichéd arrogant status-conscious middle-class bio-Mutti pushing her weight around in P'berg (think pram as Panzer type), the same type moving to X-berg feigning 'tolerance' prominently displaying Adorno books on their shelves for their middle-class guests while secretly reporting the foreign neighbours for putting the rubbish in the wrong bin, ;-) the people on some old-school authoritarian trip who yell at anyone who they believe is doing the 'wrong' thing in their opinion, to the idiots on the u-bahn who are too stupid to know for people to get on and off a train, one has to move out of the door way ;-) to the clichéd tourist looking for Lederhosen in Berlin, to hipsters wearing ugly beards or stupid-bun-hair-do and big glasses they don't need in Neukoelln. The list of clichés is endless- and all good food for great humour... oh, did someone say humour? Is that going to lead to another cliché? ;-)
Clichés are worth 'bashing'! :-)

wise old Fowl- or should that be foul? :-) more than 7 years ago

Why is it

When women know what they want, won't settle for less but play the field in the meantime, they are considered empowered... but if men do it, they're immature and childish?

Steve O more than 6 years ago

You are flat wrong

I don't know which kind of men you're meeting, but you are certainly looking in the wrong place.

I could count over 10 close friends of mine, and all of them have found long-term partners in Berlin.

Perhaps you should reconsider where you hang out and the attitude you approach men with, that way you would have a chance in a city with several million inhabitants.

Luis more than 7 years ago

Tons of wisdom

“My words of wisdom for success to those girls? LOWER YOUR STANDARDS!” - true! lots of girls and women are looking for impossible men with almost impossible characteristics in the human race. Be normal and look for a normal man, things are not so complicated!

Daniel more than 7 years ago

Too un-secure...

...for a relationship. This is what these snobbish thirty something are, always pretending to be something they would love to become but do not see the inner power to reach it.

Life taught me that "what you dislike about the others is what you hate about yourself".

Stating they are cool, when they are just normal, looking for the cool guy just to show - show is the golden rule - they are cool. INSECURE PPL. They should just let themselves go and feel love and empathy, who fucking cares about how you look on the outside if then u´re shit inside.

thumbs up for "normal" girls more than 7 years ago

my opinion and one question.

i'm kinda suffering with the berlin situation too. but i don't want a relationship(just got out of years of it), i just want somebody(ok, 3) to hang out sometimes and have a good sex and even that is getting hard to find! it's sad but i'm not bitter. meanwhile i'm taking care of my career, going out with friends, enjoying life. when I start thinking about having nobody, i change the focus: i remember how awesome I am(nice, kind, smart, funy, pretty - like all the girls round here) and all the affairs that I already had.. they are going to happen again, they always will; you're gonna find somebody eventually, you already had relationships and they are going to happen again.. but in the meanwhile, focus on your life, be aweare who you are, don't get bitter, and enjoy the many good things that this city has to offer. you don't really need a man/a woman in your life to be happy.

but something that i reeeaally don't understand is why german guys are so afraid to look/talk/flirt with girls. actually, why men are so afraid of things in general? guys, nobody is 8 years old here anymore, we can have some adult-respectful conversation. And if you think that the girl just "got crazy" im preeeetty sure it was your fault or actually she's not doing something that crazy, you are just too scared to handle things.

a girl more than 7 years ago

where did you dig up these jerks?

"American artist Sam"... do you wonder why your love life is a series of "confusing affairs"? Maybe your formula is off.

Kristen more than 7 years ago


I´m a man looking for a stable relation, not easy in Berlin... haha :)

David more than 7 years ago

same same.

Same here....and I've only been here for 3 days. All of this talk makes me very worried about living here long term.

Don more than 7 years ago

who wants thirtysomethings?

so this article is a long string on thirtysomething girls who are finally tiring of mindlessly partyin and having casual sex with the "cool" guys and now demand that said "cool" guys settle down because they have decided it is time for them to settle down but really, who wants a thirtysomething when you can have twentysomething who's not going to be demanding that you settle down?

girls, you dug your own grave... now live with the consequences (or marry a non-"cool" guy)

Lalala more than 7 years ago

..too arrogant

to talk to the nerds, then..

torts more than 7 years ago

finding a guy...

somehow i made opposite experiences. Women who want all or nothing and having problems with coping that you had already someone in your life with who you have a kid for example. Anyway. I think it is a question of how much pressure you put on that "I have to find someone thing". I never put deadlines in relationships and if everything works out fine, there is no reason for me stop it. But the other way round it's ok to end something. In a "single"-situation i doesn't make any sense to force things to show up. The best relationships showed up in easy- peasy -no exspectation at all- moments.

ct more than 7 years ago

one word.


Cupid more than 7 years ago

How to find a German man

To initiate flirting with a German citizen you first need to fill out a "registration of interest" form (RegistrierungInteresse) which you'll need stamped at his local Bürgeramt (check with your nearest German embassy to find out where this is, just give his full name and they'll be able to provide this information). Remember to include the 12 Euro registration of interest fee if the citizen was born before 1989 in East Germany, or 258 Euro if born before 1989 in West Germany.

You then have two working weeks (10 days, or less if one day is an official public holiday) to present him this form, he will need it stamped by a federal police official (Bundespolizei) of his local state (Bundesländer), this doesn't need to be the police station in his home town, it can be any one in the state he was born. You may want to have this checked by a German lawyer afterwards but that's not always necessary.

If the German you intend to start flirting with has expressed approval via this form then you have officially entered into a "relationship contract" (Beziehungvertrag) with them. You will receive a new relationship contract card (Beziehungauftragskarte) from his Bürgeramt which you then update on the first working Monday of each month with the current status of the relationship. Don't lose this as he'll need to submit it to the tax office (Finanzamt) at the end of each working year as his tax fee allowance will be adjusted between 1 and 1.25% depending on the current status of said relationship (Zustand der sexuelleninteraktion).

splitradix more than 7 years ago



Al more than 7 years ago


You need your own TV show on RTL! Genius.

Velvet Starship more than 7 years ago

nailed it!

hahahah. exactly what I experienced.

lis more than 7 years ago


Most 20 something girls are annoying and too busy partying hard.

30-something women are the best ones to date. Independent, Career-oriented, Mature, Know what they want. They however mostly don't entertain guys slightly younger than them. I had such a hard time looking on OkCupid. Gave up several times.

Also, generally i feel dating has gotten too judgemental. Or rather people are too quick to judge. I find it takes a little longer to get to know a person than just one message or a profile.

Usare more than 7 years ago

You are a wise man

Usare. Keep those secrets to yourself and you will have less competitors. ;-)
And my advice: .... start dating 40+ women. They are total fireworks in the bedroom and more tolerant and open to meeting younger men.

Doreen more than 7 years ago

online in berlin

I totally agree with your statement. To drive the point home further, sites like okcupid spend a lot of energy making you put in all of your various stats and information. The net affect is that people become Jerry Seinfeld looking for the littlest reason to eliminate someone from their consideration. So people we might enjoy talking to and getting to know are just ignored. It's silly. So I'm on okcupid now and I have had even less luck on there compared to when I lived in Washington DC (which is a very cold town as well)

Don more than 7 years ago

Hard Truth

"As men grow picky, Berlin’s independent, career-oriented thirtysomethings lose their patience" No. They lose their options. Sam's comments show this neatly; even men in their 40s are going for 20 somethings, because they can. Men prize women who are young and beautiful, not 'independent' or 'career oriented'. Perhaps if these females had used their prime years to secure the commitment they crave so desperately now, instead of chasing their 'careers', they wouldn't be where they are now, whining about being single and laying the blame on 'immature' men. Or, as in the case of the last commenter, label all German men 'idiots', 'crybabies' and so on. Shelf-like isn't a 'gender cliche'. For females, it's a hard reality. Hurts, doesn't it Your (not at all bitter) Mom?

Al more than 7 years ago

The truth is

men don't like women very much. They don't like hanging out with them, they don't wanna share their lives with them. If the women sacrifice their lives to be good housewives then the men leave them when they are forty for a younger Girl, if the women are successful than the men get jealous and leave them anyway. I spent my "prime years securing the commitment I now crave so desperately" and look where it got me - single and 34 and fucking miserable, even though the truth is I made my ex boyfriend's life much nicer than he made mine. Even though the truth is, he gained from our relationship far more than I did. Even though the truth is, I am actually "happier" without him (life is easier, more fun, more interesting) but I still would rather be in a relationship with a man than not. But men don't like women. They don't want to be with us. They dump us whatever we do. I really think the best Thing to do is to accept it and be single, look after your kid, have a career and fuck strangers in bars etc. I'd rather have a boyfriend but men just don't like women that much and it's not worth it.So I think in a way the bitter truth/hard reality is even bitterer and harder than you think it is.

Jacinta Nandi more than 7 years ago

sorry to go on about it

But basically women make men's lives slightly nicer and more enjoyable and they make our lives slightly worse but they still don't want us and we still want them. I think they just let patriarchy go to their heads a bit basically

Jacinta Nandi more than 7 years ago


Men don't like women. Men are like toilets. Men are full of shit. Men make women's lives miserable. Patriarchy! Waaaah! And you lot wonder why you're single. Hilarious.

Al more than 7 years ago

I don't wonder why I'm single

I wonder why I don't just accept being single more.I genuinely wonder that. It's not the sex and it's not the housework.

Jacinta Nandi more than 7 years ago

I don't think your position on this is incredibly logical or consistent

I thought you said all women over 30 would be single anyway coz of shelf-life issues, so should spend their twenties trying to snare a man into marriage instead of being incredibly successful business women with fulfilling careers etc? Then when I said I spent mý 20s doing that and ended up single anyways, you said oh it's coz you whinge about patriarchy too much.

I would've done anything for my ex-boyf, anything. Except give my kid up for adoption. I would'´ve done literally anything-else. I don't think men love women as much as women love men. I really don't.

JaCINTA more than 7 years ago

its completely logical and consistent

Time isn't on your side but I didn't say there's no hope. Sounds like you were unlucky but if you think your pessimistic, 'all men are scum' attitude is going to help you find love again, then yeah, you might be in trouble. Men generally prefer younger women: they certainly prefer women without bitterness and baggage. An open mind and sweet nature goes a very long way.

You seem to be making massive generalisations about men and women based on one relationship from your past.

Al more than 7 years ago

She s not so wrong

I am older than Jacinta, Im 49, and I can confirm that men are biologically programmed to act that way. Even gay men function like that. The few exceptions are those who have sooner or later freed their conciousness.

Kelisi more than 5 years ago


...neither will parroting the latest feminist buzzwords help your cause. Bleating on about 'patriarchy' being to blame for your troubles is nonsensical and makes you sound an idiot. It's really scraping the barrel.

Al more than 7 years ago

I mean people are always going on about how men have all these choices and women don't

But the one real choice women do have is to accept that heterosexual love can never make them happy. Oh, fuck, even if it could - men don't want us. There's like this narrow window of opportunity when you're in your twenties when you can trick a man into hanging out with you by sucking his cock for a bit, and then it's over. Fuck it. There's only so much crying you can do.

I would've done anything for my ex. I would've fucking killed for him. I really would've done. My love for him was really pure and also like total. It was total love. And what was he doing? He was tolerating having his dick sucked. Fuck that shit man. Women are actually happier without men, we only think we want men because we've watched too much SATC.

Jacinta Nandi more than 7 years ago

Total love

....very funny Jacinta. "Total love" - like "total war" - is not sustainable. It's suffocating, actually narcissistic on the part of the person doing the loving. Comes out of extreme neediness - never a turn on, nor something that is attractive on the long run. So please stop your nonsense about men not liking women. Or don't stop it. Just remain convinced of your victim status forever and you'll be a lot more comfortable - and probably more lonely.

Maurice T Frank more than 7 years ago

You know what he said the night he split up with me

Not to go on and on about it. He said: I never envisioned a future together I just always let in carry on from one day to the next. That's what he said. Okay I was a bit needy and mad sometimes but he was also just using me

Jacinta Nandi more than 7 years ago

the m-word

I love my beautiful wife, we've been together nine+ years now, we're co-raising a young daughter, we're both professional musicians (ie: not "conservative")... it's a little rash, I think, to come to the conclusion that "Women are actually happier without men" just because you're happier without your ex. People tend to pair-off in a stable way when they're mature enough to do it; if you're mature enough to commit, you need to find a mature-enough partner... and maturity is kind of a rare commodity these days. But it's as fundamental as love and sex are to any viable relationship. And that's the problem. You look mighty young in your picture, in any case, so you probably have plenty of time to work things out.

And to every "hipster" over 40 who pooh-poohs commitment: I know several 70-something "bachelors" (aka Nomosexuals) in Berlin who are as "free" as any lonely, bitter, crabby, mildewed Bohemians (who suffer nightly existential-terrors) can possibly be! Hard to believe they'd play it that way if they had it all to do again. I had a wild time in Berlin for quite a few years before I very luckily decided to pocket my winnings and walk out of the casino; I feel seriously sorry for all those dudes still standing at the table who don't even realise they're not even in the game any more...

Xburger more than 7 years ago

I'm not happier-happier.

I cried myself to sleep every night until December - he left me last May. 2014 I've only cried myself to sleep like twice? I'm not happier-happier. I just think it's amazing that you can have this relationship which is all about you sucking his dick and creeping around in the mornings so you don't wake him and you know like the whole relationship was about me making him happy. All either of us wanted was that he was "happy". Like he really couldn't have done much less, he ate me out like twice, three times max in six years man. And then he leaves anyway. Not for another girl just for the Hell of it. Not even for his freedom, I've seen him about, he's doing the exact same stuff he always did, he's not like an abseiling type of person. So then after a while you look at your life and you think: why do I even want him back? Or why do I even want to be in a heterosexual relationship? People keep on talking about shelf-life and stuff and all this stuff and what it comes down to is: men don't want a woman to share their lives with, they want twenty year olds. They'll probably leave the twenty year olds once they're not 20 anymore. I'm just taking the shelf-life people at their word. I've had my shelf-life, I spent it on my knees and look where it's got me, fucking nowhere. So if my shelf-life's over then I might as well try and be happy (try and be happy isn't even the right word) without a man and all that crap huh. I'm not being all Thelma and Louise about it. I would've never left my ex, never, maybe if he'd hit me but I would've never left him. I'm not being all Thelma and Louise about it. I just think what should women do? We already do everything we can to please men, and we don't please them, so what should we do go to the fucking doctor to have ourselves put to sleep once we hit forty, no we might as well look after our kids, have our careers and fuck strangers in bars. I do wish I'd sucked his cock slightly less often though, like I was with him from 27 - 33, best years of a girl's life and I also looked my best and he's a bit of a fat sod, like I loved him for his brain, really do wish had sucked slightly less cock, really feel really hard done by. Like I really think he just thought: I am a man, therefore I am better than her, therefore it is right that she treats me like a lord and I treat her like well not like dirt. Like a mentally disabled teenager.

Jacinta more than 7 years ago


thank you for being so honest. I totally agree with you, have been in a similar relationship and even sacrificed my health for a f*** man. Without him I am doing so much better. Check out the book Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. What you experienced was not love but an addiction to being in love and loving.

Doreen more than 7 years ago


You give me hope for humanity, musicians and men generally! ;-) Thank you for reminding us that there are 'creatives' out there who are above the clichéd egotistical sycophantic old creative Berlin fool in his 40s/50s (who is often the refuse of- long thrown out by- a woman his own age ;-) ) chasing multiple women (often young enough to be his children) as some sort of point scoring system for his deflated mid-life crisis ridden ego... shame that the younger women they chase aren't experienced or wise enough to see what they're dealing with and that they are simply pawns in a game of a person who isn't self-aware, mature or wise enough to have developed out of a 20-something mentality... :-)

wise old Fowl more than 7 years ago

Women have much more choices

problem is they are often not aware of their own strength and power.

Just found this beautiful passage:
(...) Was ich eigentlich glaube, ist, daß Frauen stärker sind als Männer. Sie können Ihnen viel geben. Aber weil sie hier im Patriarchat in einer schlechteren Situation sind, werden sie sich ihrer Stärke nicht bewusst - sondern nur ihrer Schwäche. und das macht natürlich schlechte Laune. Wüssten die Frauen um ihre Macht, wir hätten eine ganz andere Gesellschaft."

Women wake up! You don't need prince perfect! Give up you romantized ideas of going steady. Have the occasional lover or put up an ad for sperm-donation, have and raise your children on your own. Have your friends, brothers, sisters, cousins, flatmates help you.

Many single men no matter which age are the ones who are desperate and pathetic!!!

Doreen more than 7 years ago

Its not just the Berliners....

Resist the 'shelf-life' gender cliches please - why do you think grey-haired, middle-aged paunch rockers should be attractive to solvent, educated 20 and 30-somethings?

Recently dated one of these paunch-rockers- a gentleman of German extraction, residing abroad (think middle-aged, with teenage children). He also cited 'needing his freedom' when I confronted him on some BS he was pushing.

Lived in this country for 25 years, and have come to the conclusion that German men are mostly unromantic, entitled idiots, and thus eminently undateable - just look at the comments section of Spiegel online and Die Zeit about any article related to gender issues. Big crybabies. And (non-German) nerds rock - smart, sweet, creative.

your mom more than 7 years ago

Pointless writing

Speaking of low standards, you can find better writing in a high school magazine. This is such a flat article, lacking any sort of depth, it was almost painful to read. In terms of content, way to glorify the Peter Pans of the world and their vacuous lives. And what a pointless way to end an already pointless article.

The female equivalent of Peter Pan more than 7 years ago


Oh, I am growing weary of this "anti-creative type" diatribe blossoming alongside the gentrification of Berlin. Commitment is a construct, an illusion. In reality, we all live from one moment to the next. Everything is subject to change and people do not naturally pursue parallel lives. Berlin has long been a haven for those who understand this. Now we have this bourgeois invasion happening, and they bring with them these bourgeois ideas such as 'commitment'. If you are with the same man for years or decades it should be because you both desire it; it is a natural thing requiring nothing like 'commitment'. If you part ways, it is because that mutual desire no longer exists. Berlin allows for this natural co-existence. If the culture doesn't suit you, the rest of the world is still quite open to your ideas of commitment.

Kevin more than 7 years ago


Kevin you are basically saying that the 'bourgeois' idea of commitment is infiltrating Berlin with gentrification. Romance is a construct, however commitment might not be, as it serves a specific function for the well-being of a group, so much so that it is found in nature too.

With regards to creativity and 'bourgeois ideas', I think it is more that relationships in Berlin are commodified more easily than in other places, since neoliberalism is so tightly woven with creativity and its associated lifestyles there. Creativity hides and at the same time sustains the neoliberal lifestyle, making commodification of relationships less difficult and incongruent. Sexual adventures and flings are beautiful and an important part of sexual lives of course, but serial lack of commitment over long years might be problematic, especially for those seeking to have a family. Polyamory might be a great solution to resist the 'bourgeois' ideas you mention, however even that requires commitment.

FiFi more than 7 years ago


This is the best analysis of the entire situation in Berlin and this article. Berlin is a city of artists and bohemians and everything else in between. There has been a wave of conservatism coming from elsewhere that is threatening what made Berlin a city for the free spirits of this planet. They can and should go elsewhere on this big wide world.

Scott Allan more than 7 years ago

Miserable alone

From a gay perspective it is even worse....even commitment of 1 day is a chore

Sugarpop more than 6 years ago

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