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Ask Dr.Dot: Dry spells, cherry picking, and yeast infections

Our sexpert answers your most intimate queries.

Q I’m 20 years old with an 18-year-old fiancee. Young, yes, but we have a lot of love for each other. Just recently she has been shying away from sex: she said she just didn’t have the urge to do it… She has recently been put on the Depo Provera birth control shot. I figured (a) sometimes people go through dry spells, and (b) birth control can really take a toll on women. But on top of the whole not having sex thing, she has become more stand-offish. She will fight with me about anything and yells at me for the simplest of things. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t want to believe she’s being unfaithful because I trust her. But just now, she was going to grab a screw driver and turned around halfway through the hall to grab her phone – maybe because she knew I would go through it, or maybe because she was waiting for a friend to respond, I don’t know. I really am fighting to hold on to what I have, but it seems like every time I try to make things better, they become worse. Any thoughts? Tips? Advice? What should I do? I’m really lost. – Hasty Hal

A You say you trust her yet she “knew” you would go through her mobile phone when it was unattended. This proves something is brewing between you two. First of all, she is only 18. She probably doesn’t know her ass from her elbow yet. Her yelling at you and protecting her phone are signs that she is bored with the relationship and probably having an affair (this is pretty much expected from teenagers). At your age (20 and 18) getting engaged may be a sweet gesture, but you can see now that the security you sought is quickly killing the love and passion you had. I suggest sitting her down and telling her you love her madly and still want to be romantically involved, but are calling off the engagement. Tell her “Why rush into things? I can see the pressure of being engaged is getting to both of us. There is no rush, we are both young. Let’s just love each other and forget the contract.” If you don’t have the balls to tell her to her face, write a nice letter to her, making sure you stress the fact you are not breaking up with her, just getting rid of the engagement you feel has changed things. Stand by your decision and you will find out the truth: she will either crave you more or be relieved and move on to whatever it is that is distracting her so much. You need to know and this gesture will show you if she can live without you or not. Getting married, in my opinion, is old fashioned and unnecessary – unless immigration plays a role in it. Getting married before age 30 is just inviting chaos into your life.

Q I am a 22-year-old girl. I had my first relationship with a guy who took my virginity and, after few months, dumped me. I decided to have another affair with a guy who made me pregnant. I am not in a good relationship and I wish to go back to my first boyfriend, the one who took my cherry and ran. I’ve tried to find his whereabouts, but only found that he’s in jail and was sentenced for 15 years. I love him very much and I wish to have him back when he gets out of jail. Am I right to go back to him? I miss him so badly, but I have a 4-year-old daughter, so I don’t know if he will accept me. Help me. – Ditzy Donna

A You may THINK you “love him” but loving someone who doesn’t want you is retarded. People tend to romanticize their first-ever lover. The one who took their virginity sometimes stays in our hearts and minds, but this does not mean they are ‘the one’. In fact, it seldom ever works out being the one. He already dumped you once. It’s over. It will never work out. Not only does he not want you (you can TELL when a man wants you: he makes it very clear by calling, texting, emailing, trying to find you like the sperm tries to find the egg), but he is in JAIL. Do you really think this is the best father figure for your daughter? You need to get busy as it sounds like you have way too much free time. Would you want your daughter to spend her time chasing a criminal who doesn’t even want her? I doubt it. Set a good example for your kid by working hard and only loving men who love you (and I don’t just mean sex you, I mean LOVE you). You are wasting your time even thinking about this idiot. Get busy, move on and the right man will come along. Men usually don’t mind when a woman has a child already, especially a cute little daughter. It shows them you are capable of pushing out a healthy kid and either gives them hope they will get one out of you too or, if they don’t want any of their own, they will enjoy the fact you have one and won’t be bothering them for a child.

Q I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have been having serious relationship issues because every time we have sex, she gets a yeast infection. It’s at the point where she resents me so much for it that we constantly fight, argue and refrain from sex altogether. She claims it’s my fault and I keep giving it to her, but I don’t feel any symptoms and she is the only girl I have had this problem with. I work part-time and I don’t have medical insurance, so I also haven’t had the chance to see a doctor. I really love her, and I don’t want to do anything stupid like cheat on her, but more importantly I don’t want to lose her over this.What can I do? – Tortured Thimo

A This happens A LOT. Tell her to make sure she cuts back on eating sugar, carbs and avoid using soap on her snatch. Get some yeast infection cream, like Yeast Guard (in German, it’s “Canesten cream”) or something similar. Make sure you both get tested and both use the creams as (1) men get them too and (2) you may end up just passing it back and forth to each other if both of you don’t nip it in the bud. Try and give it a rest for a few days to give it time to work its magic (if you simply have to fuck, use the cream as lubrication). She also needs to wear cotton panties (no thongs) to bed so her crotch can breath. You can both eat acidophilus tablets and lots of natural yogurt to keep your bodies’ bacteria in check. And try using a condom next time: perhaps that will help. Tell her MANY women get itchy/irritated pussies after sex and it’s not your fault that she has too much cheese on her taco.

Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]