Q I’ve been told I give pretty good blow jobs. But, the only thing that I am not sure of is how to finish. After he cums and I swallow, what do I do? I just was wondering what was customary to do afterwards while his erection is going away. Naughty Nadia
A After you’ve downed a half pint of his Throat Yogurt, he probably doesn’t care what you do. He is surely still in heaven at that point. Maybe get a glass of water to wash it down while he comes back down to earth or just lie next to him, give him space and relax. Let him entertain you; don’t worry about ‘doing’ anything.
Q For the past three months I have been seeing a Turkish guy. Not one who was raised in Berlin, one who came to Berlin to study. His visa is over soon and he will have to go back to Turkey unless I marry him. Things seem rushed, although I am head over heels for him. Either he is the world’s best actor or he is equally in love with me. He says it all the time and it feels like our love is real. It just seems too good to be true. I know people are blinded by love sometimes; this is why I am writing to you, to find out your opinion. How long should a couple know each other before they marry? Is love at first sight really possible or is he after a German passport? I would love to marry him but only if it is true love. Lost in Love-Lana
A Immigration does tend to fuck with people’s love lives sometimes. The pressure for people from different countries is enormous. Couples who would normally be okay with just dating each other tend to make hasty decisions out of fear of losing their loved one. One way to find out his true intentions is to suggest that you move to Turkey to be with him. If he really loves you for you, it shouldn’t matter where you live. Tell him you can visit him all the time until you are both certain you want to marry. If he hates that idea, it could be he is just as in love with Berlin as he is with your snatch. You could be cheeky and tell him you will marry him if he passes a lie detector test; see what his reaction to that is. Marriage after three months of dating is insane, but if you are really crazy about the guy, get him to sign a prenup (if you have valuable assets), marry him and see how it goes. You can always divorce him if things go wrong. Nothing is forever except the Earth and Sky. You could get run over by a tram and die tomorrow. Take a chance on love; you only live once.
Q My ex is a bartender and a super hot babe, but sadly, her being repeatedly unfaithful led to our breakup. We dated for five months and she claims we were “not exclusive” and therefore she wasn’t “cheating”. I was pussy-whipped – best ride I’ve ever had – and now I find myself gravitating back to her like a moth to a flame because I am starving for her cunt again. But she’s dating my ex-best friend now too. Part of me wants revenge. Do I take her back or run the other way? Muffin Man
A Bartenders get their legs over more than any rock star, so what did you expect? If you want your mate’s sloppy seconds, go for it. Make sure you wrap it up tightly though.
Q I am seeing this girl who has the most amazing tits I have ever seen. They are huge and perky. They turn me on so much and we have sex a lot due to the low-cut shirts she wears. She has even joked that if I want I can just date her boobs. No surprise I would love to tit-fuck her, but I’m not sure if she would want/like it. How do I pitch this to her? Titty Timmy
A Never ask a woman, “Can I do this?” except for when it comes to anal sex, then you really need to ask, as it is painful as fuck and not for everyone. Asking permission shows you’re a wimp, a pussy, insecure and unworthy of a tit-fuck. Simply sit on the edge of the bed, throw a pillow down by your feet and ask her to kneel on her knees. Get some lubrication gel and lube her cleavage up. Make it fun, squeeze her boobs, massage them, oil up your cock, lean forward and guide her hands so that her tits surround your cock then squeeze her breasts tightly around your dick. She will get the idea and hopefully enjoy it. Help her out by thrusting up and down . it is not as easy as it looks in ‘films’ but it cannot be missed. One must try it at least once, at least for your wank-bank.
Q Having an orgasm through intercourse just isn’t happening for me. I tried the ‘cheese grater position’ you have spoken about a few times (girl on top, guy holding girl’s ankles, sliding her back and forth). No go. I find myself masturbating before my boyfriend comes over just to take my edge off, as I know he can’t get me there. Oral has worked a few times but he moans that his neck, jaw and face hurt for days after, so that sort of takes all the fun out of it, innit? Am I destined to just be a wanker? Famished Fanny
A Try preparing your pussy before he comes over, without actually climaxing. Watch a ‘video’ for a bit, perhaps pet her a few times, make sure you are a tad hungry (eating before sex makes climaxing more difficult). When he arrives, have him lick you a little bit so he doesn’t whine about being overworked. Then stuff a pillow vertically under your ass so you’re twat is raised up, have him mount you and go to town. Make sure he grinds into you and your clit, and of course thinking very naughty thoughts should push you over the edge to get that primal scream you’re seeking. If that doesn’t work, he may have to use his hands or watch you get yourself off. What’s the rush? You will get there. just enjoy the journey along the way.
Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]