Q Here’s the story of two Aries. He is 35, I am 28 and both of us have no baggage. This man and I have so much in common. He’s the shy one, and I am the more outgoing type.
We met back in January at the bar that we both frequent and we slept together. I felt like it was right, and we were hanging out very hardcore for a hot minute. Then we just stopped (not by my accord).
It took him seeing me with another man for him to step up. Now he is, but it’s all taking time. I know it takes a lot sometimes to gain one’s trust, but how can I do that in a graceful manner? He’s admitted to liking me more than I think, but how do you get them to show it? Sit back with your feet up and drink a beer and smile? (LOL).
When I previously saw him, he ditched all his other company for me, which I can see as a good sign, but I need some guidelines, Dr. Dot. I need some ‘play it cool’ lines. We rushed into things at first by sleeping together, and in his words, “we are going backwards”.
As a woman, I wonder if one can be taken seriously even after the fact, even though the chemistry between us is something that I describe as magic. I have never seen anyone look at me with such starry eyes, and yet there’s some intimidation on both ends (like sixth grade, where you have a crush and wanna run away at times).
When we were together last, he told me “you know me,” and I believe it. I am a musician and he is a producer of sorts. We have a track that he made and he asked me to accompany with my vocals. I did it because I want a friendship with him, and he’s shown me that he feels the same way, but he didn’t know it until almost losing me.
Tell me how to go about this in the right way. It’s taken him this long, and now he’s finally coming around. How do I play this cool? Lovely Rita
A From what I know of Aries men, they go for what they want, caveman-style, clobbering their prey over the head and dragging them back to their cave, no beating around the bush. BUT I am not a zodiac specialist, just speaking from personal experience and from what I’ve read in my favorite book: How to Spot a Bastard by his Star Sign.
Sometimes people rush into things and sleep together too quickly (can happen if you meet at a bar and have had too many drinks). You can, however, “go backwards,” as he said, in a good way. If you give him everything too fast, he has nothing to yearn for and if a man does not yearn, he may feel like “this can’t be love as I don’t feel that burning-yearning “. He did, however, yearn when he saw you with another, which is just what he needed.
It sounds like he needs to be the one calling the shots and pursuing you, so let him. Even though it sounds old fashioned, let him swoon you; do not call him, text him, email him, Facebook him. Just let him hunt you down and WIN you over, then you will know for sure how he feels.
You have to stick to this, as you already handed out the pussy card too early.
But you can gracefully turn things around by letting the sperm come to the egg, rather than the egg going after the sperm (seldom works out in the long run). ‘Shy’ is not an illness or something you need to fix – it just means he needs to take his time and being too ‘outgoing’ has clearly not worked so far with him. He sounds smitten but needs that challenge.
No need to learn “play it cool lines”; just stay busy, sweet and charming, and things should work out just fine. If he doesn’t make a concrete move within six months, it may be time to date other men, but some waiting is normal; the best things in life do take time and are usually worth waiting for.
Q Back for another helping: I wrote you a while ago, about my boyfriend who claims he never, ever masturbates. You told me it was pretty much unheard of, unless he has no arms/hands.
My dilemma continues.
He says he is faithful and does not wank off, yet sometimes he comes over to mine with empty, saggy balls. I have known him and his testicles for almost a year now, and when we are together for a few days in a row, his balls get full if we don’t fuck for 24 hours or more. And they don’t sag; in fact they are tight, up against his body, very firm and full, like ripe fruit dying to be picked and eaten.
So how is it, if we do not meet for a week, that he comes to me, and his balls appear very empty and hang down by his fucking knees (and it takes him longer than normal to shoot this tiny load on top of all that)?!
I am starting to think he is fucking around behind my back OR wanking off all the time (I have no problem with a man wanking, but he swears to Allah that he does not). Can you tell from a man’s balls if he is cheating/wanking or not? Sack Saga Sally
A If it were only that easy. My guess is he is wanking, as I said before but for some reason refuses to admit it (religion/shame/embarrassment).
A guy’s ball sack has it’s own agenda going on; it changes size in order to maintain the correct temperature. When they are too hot, they sag and feel ‘empty’ and floppy to stay cool. When they are too cold, they shrink up and feel firmer/tighter, closer to the body to stay warmer. Those precious sperm need to be the right temp at all times so none of them die, poor little fellas.
The fact that he keeps coming back to you for sex/love is a good sign, and if saggy balls and a delayed orgasm are your only complaints, consider yourself lucky. A man taking too long to cum is much better than a one-minute ride, innit? A better way to look at this is the glass/ball sack is half full, not half empty.