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Virologist Hendrik Streeck reckons he can muscle in on Christian Drosten’s pad, giving expert interviews about the coronavirus and doing fancy globally unique experiments with whole towns. But Drosten, still everyone’s favourite sexy hobbit, is having none of it, and tries to talk us into getting the government’s forthcoming surveillance app (It’s either that or lockdown forever, kids). Meanwhile, someone at the Financial Times has a conversation with a Görlitzer Park drug dealer.