Worse than no sex is bad sex. Sex, like Chinese goods, can be a terribly flawed product. Which raises the question: is God Chinese? Are the Chinese intentionally exporting flawed products to the West as a form of psychological warfare to drive us all insane? Just like God did to us with sex? Berlin’s 16th Venus Sexpo at Berlin’s Funkturm appears to be the ideal place to answer this thumper of a question. It’s open through Sunday.
First up, it’s all about sex . . . without any sex. A typically dodgy trick the Lord often plays. First He draws you in, only then to drop you like a ton of bricks. But the Far East may have finally come up with a sex product that finally does not disappoint its, ah, consumers: bukkake. The Japanese word’s meaning is literally more than a mouthful: it used to mean “victory shower” but today it means cumming in buckets on attractive young ladies’ (or gentlemen’s’) faces, hair and bodies until they are absolutely drenched in thick straps of divine baby batter. Praise the Lord. Here is a sex product that does not for once let you down like a Chinese product.
Starring in this year’s Venus are Germany’s Cum Queen Viktoria (photo) and the Vaterland’s No.1 bukkake film pioneer and producer John Thompson – aka Raymond Louis Bacharach. Thompson founded German Goo Girls in 1996 after his dick told him what it wanted to see – cum-covered ladies that knew how to work dozens of cocks, play with huge quantities of cum and then swallow the man magma in one dramatic gulp. Thompson’s cock-steered cum coup was five years before Japanese bukkake stormed the world via the internet. Two hundred years before both of them, the Marquis de Sade recorded the pleasures of coating young ladies in heavy straps of cum in his classic, 120 Days of Sodomy or The School of Degradation. Just one of many of de Sade’s psychological firsts, which included identifying the sexual pleasures of theft: kleptomania. It took until the 20th Century before psychologists re-discovered de Sade’s revolutionary insights. Unfortunately, bukkake’s original inventor, God bless him or her, will remain forever unknown. Like the inventor of the wheel. Aspiring bukkake researchers would be well advised to start their search in the graffiti of Pompeii. Not even the Bible with its outrageous pornographic scenes mentions bukkake.
US porn star Annette Schwarz and Cum Queen Viktoria rose to the top of the bukkake profession thanks to Thompson’s German Goo Girls. “I taught Schwarz how to swallow and how to play with cum. Before that they all spat it out. Now she’s a major US porn star,” says Thomson. The bosomy, Bavarian-born beauty Cum Queen Viktoria didn’t need any coaching. She was born with the bukkake gene in her blood. It came naturally to want to be cummed on and swallow huge quantities of semen. Desperate to get out of her claustrophobic Bavarian village, Viktoria decided to conquer the world by choosing a career in the merchant marine. “I dropped out quickly as the last thing I wanted to be was to be cooped up for months on end. That was exactly what I was trying to get away from,” says Viktoria. Her next career move guaranteed she would still end up hanging onto the mast with seamen all around. Viktoria opened an internet site on mydirtyhobby.com. “I don’t know exactly when I first started to be fascinated by semen but I think it was about 2006 that I discovered the joys of being cummed on. I tried to get men back to my place to cum all over me but they all wimped out at the last minute. I needed reliable men, so in 2009 I went to John Thompson as he could guarantee 50 or more men ready and willing to shoot their loads,” says Viktoria. Instead of navigating by the stars, Viktoria quickly shot up to become a major star in Germany’s porn heaven.
“I never set out to be a star but that’s how it’s worked out,” says Germany’s Cum Goddess. Thanks to Thomson’s German Goo Girls Productions Viktoria gobbled her way to suck-cess starring in cum feasts with 50 or more cumikazes pounding her and coating her in thick jets of white power.
Where’s the attraction in such a cum carnival? “I want masculine men. Real men. Men who take the upper hand and dominate me, fuck me hard and then cum on me properly . . . even though I know in the end that I am the one holding the whip hand.” That’s Viktoria’s psychological kick. For men, it is obviously the hedonistic joy of masturbating into a pretty lady’s faces while other men fuck them. Not to mention the powerful orgasm that sees another mother lode of cum cover her. And last but not least, the aesthetic Jackson Pollock-esque “White Poles” effect of seeing a young lady criss-crossed and drenched, if not drowned, in cum line after cum line of hot, juicy cum.
Viktoria’s specialities include filling her cupped her hands with cum from 30 or so eager bolt blowers and playing with it before swallowing Mother Nature’s semenshake in one fell swoop – about a third or more of a litre of baby batter. “Last summer I discovered what the taste reminds me of – it’s like the aftertaste after you’ve eaten cherries,” says Viktoria. There’s the secret behind Cherry Ripe’s success. Think about that the next time you eat a Cherry Ripe bar – neither is it called a bar without a reason.
But that still hasn’t answered our original question: is God Chinese? Firstly, bukkake is not a flawed product. It works. Secondly, it’s Japanese. And thirdly, the Chinese have successfully managed to live without God for the last 5000 years. Neither has the Middle Kingdom suffered from a spate of miracles such as virgin births, walking on water, parting of the seas and rising from the dead, etc. It is almost empirically certain that God is not Chinese. I hope that answered my question.