Kiss bang blah

Even Ray Winstone’s performance as the mean gangsta boss turning everything he touches to blood and gore (albeit pinstriped) doesn’t make London Boulevard worth watching. Farrell is underwhelming playing the ex-con trying to go straight as Knightley’s bodyguard whilst Winstone seeks to bring him to heel. Knightley plays herself as the posh and palely-loitering (but overwhelmed) diva turned recluse intent on turning the lad goggle-eyed with upwardly mobile desire. Ten (or so) corpses later, we’re none the wiser. Deary me!

London Boulevard | Directed by William Monahan (UK, USA 2010) with Colin Farrell, Keira Knightley, Ray Winstone. Starts December 1